


A River Runs Through Us

by marikei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 1970s, Also fluff, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Coping, Explicit Sexual Content, Fear of Death, Feudal Japan, Historical References, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I said angst, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, M/M, Meiji Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, Strangers to Lovers, Time Travel Fix-It, but not like sci fi, like some very wholesome moments, there was one bed, this is going to be such a long fic jesus christ
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28644450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marikei/pseuds/marikei
Summary: There are only two rules that our vast and confusing universe follows.The first: nothing lasts forever.Not you, not your friendships, not your home, not even the ground beneath your feet. This is an absolute rule. It is strict and unforgiving. When someone says they will love you "forever", they must be lying. There is always some kind of end.The second: everything lasts forever, if you let it.Oikawa Toruu is the lord of an ancient land, Iwaizumi Hajime is his faithful guard.They have cared deeply for each other since they were small, but when tragedy befalls them, Iwaizumi must embark on a journey through time to save the man he loves.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 13
Kudos: 21





	1. Part One: The Beginning of Everything

The sun burned a hole in the clear, blue sky.   
Its golden warmth tickled the tall grass on the hill, holding the village beyond in a fiery embrace. Iwaizumi stared up at it for as long as possible, trying to determine exactly what color it was, before his young eyes watered and burned. He squeezed them shut, rubbing his small face.

Yellow? White? Yellowy white?

He could not decide.

Iwaizumi laid back in the grass, feeling sunbeams bounce on his face. He could hear the farmers in the distance, working in the rice fields, the simple lull of the countryside, disrupted only by the occasional **clang!** of swordsmen practicing in the courtyard of the Aoba Castle, under the shadow of the great wooden tower.   
His arms ached from his own training, an activity that produced a lot of complaint from his mother.   
"He's ten, he shouldn't be worked so hard!"   
Iwaizumi's father would just laugh, "Haijime wants to get strong! He'll have to be the best guard, if he wants to take my job!"

"Right!", Iwaizumi roared, making a tiny fist.

But today was his day off, and he was enjoying laying on the hill immensely, slipping in and out of silly, childhood daydreams. Iwaizumi's mother had told him a proverb about the sun, something about how the sun didn't know good or bad. Before he could remember the rest of it, a shadow cut across his field of vision.

"Hey! Iwa-chan! What are you doing?"

Iwaizumi lazily opened one eye, irritated. Maybe the sun didn't know good or bad, but it didn't know Oikawa, either. The boy stood over him, blocking out the light, his head a halo of brown curls. He smiled, bright and toothy. Iwaizumi frowned. "Move, idiot."

"You can't call me an idiot! You have to say _my lord._ It's the rules."

Iwaizumi stuck out his tongue, "Nu-uh. Not calling you that until you're a real lord."

Oikawa folded his arms over his chest, turning his nose up. "I am a real lord."

"Nope. You're too scrawny and puny. Real lords have muscles."

The boy looked down at his arms, holding them out to inspect them, and then frowned. He kicked at Iwaizumi in the grass. "You're so mean to me, Iwa-chan. What are you even doing, anyways?" Iwaizumi shut his eyes again, praying for his peace to return. "I'm just laying. And thinking."

Oikawa nodded slowly. He turned his own face to the sun, "Can I join you?"

Iwaizumi thought it over, "I guess."

Oikawa flopped down in the grass beside him, stretching luxuriously. "So, Iwa-chan-"

"Usually people think without noise. In their own heads."

"Right. Sorry."

The two boys laid in silence, in the glow of the strong afternoon sky. Iwaizumi turned, pressing his cheek into the earth, staring at his friend in disbelief. Oikawa gazed serenely upwards, his eyes fluttering under closed lids. He had never seen him be so quiet and still. Iwaizumi smiled, turning back, closing his eyes. He would never admit it, but he was glad that they were experiencing this pocket of sun together.

Iwaizumi was the only boy around Oikawa's age that lived in the castle walls. They had grown up together, forming a fast and intense friendship in the wildness of youth. They arranged their own happiness and games, pranks and mischief, taking turns goading the other on. Everything was wonderful and explorable. Both boys were happy to have the opportunity to be the children they were, even though expectation constantly hung over their heads. Oikawa was the only son of the lord who controlled this part of Northern Honshu, the fields within it, and the trade routes that ran through it. Iwaizumi's father was the head of the warriors that were responsible for the safety of the area, and of the Oikawa family.

Fate had linked them, but childhood had made the pair friends.

Whenever they were too loud, those who lived within the prosperous village would simply laugh, and thank the gods for the boy's bond. The roles that were bestowed on them were merely jokes between the two. Neither had realized their gravity yet.   
For now, swords were sticks, and crowns were made of leaves.   
They collected the world in small handfuls, enjoying everything within their grasp.

On a colder day in the region, when they were twelve, they tore through the halls of the palace, Oikawa chasing after Iwaizumi. He cornered him in a spare room. Iwaizumi glared.

"I caught you, so you have to say I'm gonna be a good lord now!"

"Never!"

"Blink if you think I'm gonna be a good lord!"

Iwaizumi turned away, so Oikawa couldn't see him blink, but the smaller boy simply darted in front of him. Iwaizumi frowned, "Idiot, I have to blink!"

A devilish smile filled Oikawa's thin face, lighting a fire in his clear eyes. " _Breathe_ if you think I'm gonna be a good lord."

Iwaizumi's eyes widened and he puffed his cheeks up with air. Oikawa pressed his head against his chest, listening, waiting for his lungs to give him away. They stood in complete silence, waiting for the other to call their bluff. Finally, Iwaizumi gave out, inhaling with an irritated huff. He pushed Oikawa away, who threw up his arms in celebration.

"Woooohooo! HA! You DO think I'm gonna be a good Lord!"

"Stupid! Doesn't count!"

Oikawa dropped his arms, something on his face changing. He looked sad. Iwaizumi took a step back. He didn't think he had said anything outside of the normal things he teased his friend for, but he knew Oikawa was sensitive. He knew he was nervous about inheriting Aoba Castle, which Iwaizumi thought was dumb, because _obviously_ Oikawa would be a good lord. He was good at everything, except arm wrestling. Iwaizumi debated embarrassing himself by revealing this to him, but Oikawa spoke first.

"I've got.. news.. to tell you."

Every year, the essence of reality had been creeping closer. A child's purpose is to be a child, but it is also to grow up.   
They had always been aware of this particular news, though they had done their best to ignore it. It would mean the end of the little kingdom they built together. In the spring, Oikawa would be moving to the capital for five years of education to prepare him to inherit a formal position in his father's court. Iwaizumi would stay behind to train.

It seemed like the winter months were racing to a conclusion, every snowfall sending a new wave of finality into their play. They still did their best to smile as they flung fistfuls of ice at each other, fully aware that nothing would be the same when the frost melted.

Oikawa left as the cherry blossoms appeared. He wore his finest robes, his luggage on a cart behind him, among the palace's most skilled armed escorts. He flung his thin arms around Iwaizumi, sobbing. Lord Oikawa looked away, a bit embarrassed by his emotional son, but he let them have their moment. This kind of conduct would no longer be permissable in the future, though he trusted his child would learn that. Iwaizumi gripped tight to Oikawa, pretending like he wasn't crying just as hard.

He watched his friend disappear over the hills, his eyes red rimmed, snot running from his nose. Iwaizumi's father passed him a handkerchief, patting his head. They stood a vigil together until Oikawa was out of sight. "You know, Haijime, he's going off to work his hardest to be the best he can for this province. You're going to have to work just as hard, if not harder, to do your duty to protect him. Do you understand?"

Iwaizumi nodded, determined, "I do, father."

Over the next five years, his thin katana barely left his hand. The delicate blade slashed and hacked, disarming any opponent who dared challenge him. Iwaizumi's muscles ached, his back burned with stress. He worked until his bones threatened to break, stopping only to engage in the most basic care and maintenance, because he knew his body was his weapon. It deserved the same respectful treatment that he gave to his blade.   
_Stronger._  
Everyday he grew strong.   
Until he was able beat every samurai in Honshu. Until he could even best his own father in combat.   
Everyday Iwaizumi grew stronger, because each day that passed was a day closer to when his companion would finally return. He earned a name for himself in the circles of swordsmen, the Rock of Aoba Castle. Dependable. Unshakeable. Even Lord Oikawa had passed on some praise through the ear of Iwaizumi's father.

But at night, Iwaizumi would lay awake, stricken and sleepless, as the moon traveled her solemn path.   
He wondered what Oikawa was up to.

Iwaizumi got along well with the other palace guard hopefuls, but it wasn't the same. They kept their distance out of respect, because they all knew a time would come when Iwaizumi would be the one to lead them. He hadn't heard any news of his friend since his departure. Oikawa was probably learning the most incredible things about math, history, diplomacy, all of those... things. Iwaizumi wondered, with all that new knowledge crammed in his brain, if Oikawa would even have space to remember the joy of the time they had spent together when they were young. Memories flickered in and out of existence.

Then, Iwaizumi would roll onto his side, chiding himself. None of that mattered anymore. They both had their roles to fulfill.

The five years passed in calculated precision, a careful progression that turned boys into young men.   
Shortly after Iwaizumi's seventeenth birthday, it was announced that the young Lord would be returning home, having completed his studies. The palace became a frenzy of activity and preparation. A feast was to be had, new quarters prepared, staff reassigned.   
Iwaizumi trained from sun up to sun down, sometimes beyond that. If Oikawa had done all this work to prepare for his new role, then Iwaizumi knew had to prove he was ready to take up his job, as well. The training was also to distract from the feelings that were tearing through him, the fear that Oikawa would no longer know him after all of the time that had passed.

Finally, the morning came.   
Iwaizumi strapped on his fine plated armor, taking his place beside his father. All of the servants, the advisors, and other members of the court had been gathered to welcome Oikawa home. Iwaizumi hated the stuffy formality. He breathed slowly, trying his best not to drown in his own nervous sweat, gripping his sheathed sword handle.   
The familiar grip brought him comfort. The Lord and Lady of Aoba Castle stood at the top of the steps in elegant silks. They gave the signal for the gate to be drawn back, and there he was.

But... it wasn't.

A great grief burned Iwaizumi raw.   
It was impossible that the scrawny, gap toothed, whiny child Iwaizumi had known could've grown into the tall, collected man that was lead an entourage into the castle grounds. He had been easy to look at at ten, at twelve, but now they were seventeen, and there was something about Oikawa's new figure that made him impossible to behold.   
The way his smooth curls looked in the summer sun. His eyes, glinting with a fresh and precious intelligence. Iwaizumi tried not to scowl. Any hint of Oikawa's sweet, youthful awkwardness was long gone. The young Lord passed around smiles and greetings, shaking hands. It seemed so manicured, so practiced. Iwaizumi watched as he slowly approached, his heart heavy in his throat. He felt like he had lost something, some part of himself, though he was not sure what.

He could not recognize the man before him. This Oikawa was so strange. The memories came, and came, but none of them fit the shape of this character.

Iwaizumi needed to know, to remember. Oikawa's eyes rested on him at last, but they bore no familiarity. He nodded, polite, formal, empty. Iwaizumi mimicked the gesture, tightening the grip on his katana, sinking into a peculiar sadness he should've known as inevitable.

This was who they were required to be, now.

But- just before Oikawa turned to join his mother and father, he rested his fingertips against Iwaizumi's shoulder, leaning close, shortening the distance between the two. Iwaizumi nearly jumped out of his skin from the contact.   
He only spoke five simple words, though they made the young samurai dizzy with disbelief. Oikawa ascended to his parents side, bowing deeply, following them into the palace as if the entire moment had not occurred. Iwaizumi stared after, doing his best to ward off the dumbstruck grin that was threatening to crack his hardened exterior.   
_That absolute bastard..._

"I'm. Taller. Than. You. Now."


	2. Lights In The Sky

  
Iwaizumi quickly fell into his new role of Oikawa's shadow, following him on his trips to the village, keeping a steady eye out for any possible danger.   
It was strange, though.   
There hadn't been anymore familiar words exchanged between the two of them since the "I'm taller than you" incident. Iwaizumi was beginning to wonder if he had completely hallucinated the whole thing. He had no way of making sure because Oikawa was constantly surrounded by servants, advisors, and problems that needed attending.   
He had been given the responsibility of managing communication between the farmers and the castle. Each day, he would listen to the problems of the people who lived in the village, and do his best to see where help was needed.   
It was a menial but important task.   
Some problems were trivial, petty arguments between neighbors that Iwaizumi didn't think actually required any royal assistance. Other problems were slightly more pressing, like when some oxen escaped and ran wild through the crops. Oikawa handled this by swiftly dispatching some guard on horseback to choral the runaway animals. He personally oversaw the entire operation until everything was neatly returned to its proper place. No matter what was given to him, he handled it gracefully and carefully.   
Iwaizumi watched from a distance, silently impressed with the leadership skills Oikawa had begun to demonstrate.   
He felt a bit useless, just a quiet presence in the back, but his aging father reminded him that if a guard had nothing to do, that meant the province was functioning well.

Still, he wished he had some reason to speak to his old friend.

It was impossibly late at night.   
Oikawa was pouring over dusty records, trying to determine who had a better familial claim to a patch of farmland that was currently being disputed. Iwaizumi hovered in the doorway of the library, watching the wick in the oil lamp grow ever shorter. Oikawa's head advisor, a kindly older man named Irihata, was doing his best to stay awake. Out of the corner of his eye, Iwaizumi watched Oikawa rest a hand on his shoulder, "It's alright, Irihata, go home to your family. I think I can figure this one out on my own."   
Irihata smiled gratefully, bowing deeply, "Thank you, my lord. I'm confident you can." The advisor collected his belongings and bid Iwaizumi a goodnight as he left the library building. Iwaizumi nodded in response, feeling a bit more tense.   
He wished Irihata hadn't been dismissed, but was oddly glad at the same time. _Maybe now.._  
This would be the first time he and Oikawa would alone together since his return. His senses were instantly heightened to every slow turn of a page, to the cicadas humming outside, to the way that shadows stretched and moved against the wall from the flickering of the lamp. Iwaizumi kept his eyes fixed on the night that spread beyond the door frame. He didn't know if Oikawa had been intentionally ignoring him, or if he had just been so wrapped up in his own work, maybe he had really hallucinated their little exchange, it was possible, he could blame it on heatstroke and childish thinking, maybe-

"Iwaizumi?"

Iwaizumi turned quickly, too quickly to face him. He silently cursed himself for being so jumpy. It was unbecoming, and his thinking was idiotic.   
No matter what their relationship had been as kids, they lived in separate ways now. Oikawa looked at him from across the room, eyes turned up from where he was hunched over a book. The yellow lamp light cast a golden hue over him. Iwaizumi swallowed.

"Yes.. my lord?"

Oikawa quickly turned away, covering his mouth with his sleeve, stifling the strangest noise. Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows, forgetting to be formal, "What?".   
Oikawa leaned back, peels of laughter coming from him, his shoulders shaking. Iwaizumi was hopelessly lost. Irritation was growing in the pit of his stomach.

"I- I never thought- you would actually- you hated saying it so much when we were younger- it sounds so funny- I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Iwaizumi placed a loose finger on his katana hilt, flustered.

Was he even allowed to insult Oikawa back?

He had such a smug little look on his face, that airy grin that pulled on the corners of his pink lips, a picture of triumph. Iwaizumi did _not_ like it. He opted to turn away with a small huff, "Yeah. Well. You're more of a real lord now, and I take my job seriously."

He could feel Oikawa's eyes on the back of his head, he could feel his smirk. "I _am_ a real lord, and I was going to tell you that you can go home now, too."

"Can't.", Iwaizumi muttered, "M'guarding."

And there was the laughing again. "Against what? Bugs? The wind?"

Iwaizumi opted to ignore him, which was probably not the way he should be behaving around nobility, but this particular noble was confusing, complicated, and really hitting a final nerve.   
After days of complete silence, he was back on his stupid teasing, like they were small again. It was all so uncertain.

"If you're going to stay up, at least come sit with me."

Iwaizumi shifted uncomfortably. He turned back to look at the other man, and Oikawa playfully pushed back the chair across from him with a slippered foot. "Come on. It's fine."

Iwaizumi held a small debate within himself, then slowly tread across the room, sinking into the chair with resignation. Oikawa pressed his palms together, pleased. Iwaizumi stared at the other man's hands, clean, uncallused. They looked so different from his own.   
Oikawa stretched a delicate finger across the table, making a small tapping motion against the grain. "So serious. I can see why they call you the Rock of Aoba Castle, now. You've gotten all impressive."

Iwaizumi scanned his face, scowling, but it didn't seem like Oikawa was making fun of him anymore. He looked away, feeling a wave of self consciousness.   
It was a foreign, embarrassing feeling. He didn't like being scrutinized this way. He forced himself to face the young lord,   
"...So have you. Gotten impressive, I mean. It's strange-"  
Iwaizumi barely caught himself as the last word slipped out. He was not supposed to call the future lord of Northern Honshu _strange_ _,_ but Oikawa just chuckled.

"So rude, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi's eyes widened. He hadn't been called that in ages, not even by his own mother. His scowl deepened. Oikawa looked at him expectantly, his brown eyes full, transparent but unreadable. "Don't call me that."

"Okay, _Iwa-chan_."

Iwaizumi fumbled for a response. He didn't know what Oikawa wanted from him. He had completely ignored him since his return, and as much Iwaizumi hated to admit it, they lived in entirely separate classes now. There were _rules_ to be followed _,_ no matter how much Iwaizumi wanted things to just be as they were between them.   
Suddenly, Oikawa slammed his head onto his book with a pointed **_thunk!_**   
Iwaizumi shot up, "What's wrong with you?"

"You've been so weird since I've gotten back! You're all scary and muscley, you're always hovering and you don't speak to me and you're actually calling me _my lord, a_ nd it's so off putting, Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi pointed an accusatory finger at him, "I've been weird?? You've been weird! You've been so silent, I was convinced I had made up what happened at the welcoming ceremony. _You're_ the one that's been ignoring _me!_ I'm just doing my job and following the stupid conduct policies or whatever."

"Well, don't!" Oikawa looked up, glaring at him. "At least not when it's just two of us. You're supposed to be my best friend."

Iwaizumi stepped back, surprised. Oikawa still thought of him as his best friend? He had to fight the loopy grin that was overtaking his face. Security settled his pulse. Maybe they were older now, and so different, but they hadn't outgrown each other.   
That was all that mattered.

Iwaizumi sat back down in the chair. "Okay.. Shittykawa", he said, testing the waters. Oikawa stuck his tongue out at him, before turning back to his records. Iwaizumi watched the careful way his eyes scanned the page, darting back and forth. Finally, they stilled. Oikawa closed this dusty tome, satisfied.

"Find what you were looking for?"

"Mmhmm."

Oikawa stretched, long and luxurious. His fingers curled and uncurled. He rested his chin on his palm, leaning back over the table, looking at Iwaizumi. He made no indication that he wanted to get up and head off to bed, so Iwaizumi mimicked his pose with a slightly sarcastic tilt of his head.

He really, really liked the familiar motions they were going through.

"Aren't you going to ask me about how school was?"

Iwaizumi sighed. "How was school?"

"Tedious", Oikawa's eyes glinted with an old mischief, "I almost punched this kid from Southern Honshu. From the Kageyama family."

Iwaizumi made a slightly pained noise, but he was secretly pleased that Oikawa was still as temperamental as he had been. "Why did you do that? Weren't you supposed to be learning.. I dunno.. diplomacy?"

"Sure, but he was sooo annoying Iwa-chan. It's all fine now, though I wish you had been there to see it. You would've been proud of me."

"Doubt it.", Iwaizumi smirked. Oikawa made a whine of complaint.

"Did you learn anything else cool?"

Oikawa's eyes brightened and he leapt to his feet, going to a shelf at the back of the room. He began fervently searching for... something. Iwaizumi watched with ebbing patience as he thumbed through some scrolls before extracting one. Oikawa returned, rolling it across the table, a strange and intricate collection of dots and lines.

"We got to take some classes in Astronomy, which is the study of stars and other celestial matter."

"I'm not stupid, I know what Astronomy is.", Iwaizumi growled, but joined him on the other side of the desk to look at the map. Oikawa threw up a hand in defense.

"I got to read this really amazing book from China called the _Shilin guan ji,_ which had a lot of cool stuff in it, but my favorites were the maps like these. You can tell all kinds of fascinating things from the placement of stars, look-"

They spent the rest of the night pouring over the map, Oikawa pointing out constellations, and how one would use certain stars to tell direction. Iwaizumi listened, occasionally interjecting with questions.

Things finally felt right, again.

They quickly developed a system that navigated the choppy waters of obligation and friendship. In public spaces, he and Oikawa were a perfect portrait of civility: poised, mature, dutiful. They held only polite conversation that was based around greetings and request. There was the occasional margin of error, like when Oikawa would look at him when no one else was paying attention, and make some dumb face to try and phase Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi would deliver the sharpest, most discreet kick possible. They didn't have a lot of time to themselves, but Iwaizumi greatly enjoyed the moments they did have together.   
Teasing Oikawa was just so easy.

It seemed like those moments were becoming more and more illusive, though. So much was constantly required of Oikawa in court, and he was still expected to maintain his studies. He knew the young lord had much to prove with his return. Oikawa needed to gain the trust of the court, of the province, even of his own parents in order to successfully inherit the throne someday. Still, he was concern that his friend was overworking himself.

Oikawa had always been so unflinchingly determined, so eager to please, as if his very value as a human being depended on meeting the constantly raising expectations of others.   
It worried Iwaizumi.

His fears were confirmed one evening when Oikawa face planted into a book, completely passed out. It was just the two of them in library again, so he roughly shook the taller man awake.   
Oikawa lifted his head, disoriented.   
Iwaizumi studied him. There were new definitions in his face he hadn't noticed, a firmness in his jaw, his neat and stubborn nose. Iwaizumi though that Oikawa almost looked like the fine paintings that hung throughout the castle, had it not been for the state of his eyes. They were bloodshot, surrounded by a purple exhaustion.   
Instinctually, Iwaizumi reached out and rubbed his thumb over the gathering bags, as if he could erase the tiredness with a touch. He quickly pulled his hand back when he realized what he was doing, but Oikawa didn't seem to mind. He just yawned loudly and turned back to his book.

"Go to bed.", Iwaizumi grumbled.

"Can't. Stuff to do", Oikawa murmured, but in mere minutes he was back out.

This time, instead of immediately waking him, Iwaizumi closed his book. Careful not to make too much noise, he returned it to where it..probably.. went on the shelf. He blew out the candle on the table, debating in the dark what to do next. If he woke Oikawa, then he would probably refuse to return to his quarters. Even if he could force him to walk back to his room, Iwaizumi would not put it past the young man to steal back to the library.   
He opted to sling the taller man's arm around his shoulders, scooping him up like a bride. Oikawa was surprisingly light.

Iwaizumi ducked his head into the hall, praying no one would see him carrying the young lord like this. He did not want to have to explain himself. Oikawa stirred slightly, resting his head against Iwaizumi's chest, pulling at the simple fabric of his shirt.   
The thick warmth of his sleepy breath spread over the sliver of Iwaizumi's exposed skin.   
His ears reddened and he walked faster.

When they got to Oikawa's quarters, a night guard was stationed outside. He was younger, probably around their own age, with a set of dense eyebrows that were currently raised in surprise.   
_Matsukawa,_ Iwaizumi remembered. Great.   
He, along with another guard called Hanamaki, had been among the more talkative of the trainees.   
Matsukawa made a face like, "Uhh.. what are you doing?"

Iwaizumi gave him his worst scowl possible. "Not a word about this.", he whisper-snapped.

Matsukawa shrugged, pulling back the door. Iwaizumi entered the ornate chambers, delicately setting Oikawa on his bed. Oikawa rolled over, still fast asleep. Iwaizumi breathed a sigh of relief and left as quietly as he could, without looking at Matsukawa.

Being Oikawa's personal guard meant that it was Iwaizumi's responsibility to protect him from any possible danger, and that included the danger of himself.

As he lay in his own bed, he thought of his friend, of his pained, exhausted expression. Something has to be done, Iwaizumi thought. As he drifted off to sleep, he began to formulate a plan.

Iwaizumi spent the next several days studying Oikawa's schedule, his movements. His Sunday was to be miraculously uncrowded by tasks, which was perfect for what Iwaizumi had in mind. It was an unusually warm Saturday evening. The air was balmy, carrying the fragrant smell of woodsmoke and something sweeter. Iwaizumi positioned his body between Oikawa and the library's door.

"No. Not today."

"But I-"

"You don't have any engagements to prepare for tomorrow. Anything you would be doing is not necessary for tonight."

Oikawa huffed, "What's wrong with wanting to be ahead of schedule?"

"Nothing", Iwaizumi growled, "But you have to take some time for yourself every once in awhile."

"Aw, is Iwa-chan worried about me?", Oikawa taunted. He pushed up the sleeves of his daimon and folded his arms. Iwaizumi scowled.

"I will literally carry you out of here again if I have to, _my lord_."

Oikawa's eyes widened. A pinkness cut through his delicate composure, and Iwaizumi felt himself getting flushed as well. The sleeping in the library incident had not been discussed between them.   
"Fine!", Oikawa snapped, quickly turning away to hide his face. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

They left the castle grounds. Oikawa scrunched his eyebrows together, "Are we going to the village?"

Iwaizumi shook his head, turning towards the great forested hills that made a basin out of the area. He lit a lamp to guide their way, its soft yellow light gleaming steadily. They began to hike up one of the slopes, following a clear, shallow stream that wound its way downwards to the village, passing a worn shrine that was in need of some maintenance.   
It caught his eye briefly, but they trudged on.

Iwaizumi was suffering such a barrage of complaints, he was wondering if this was even worth it. 

"Where are we gooooiiiiing?"

"My feet hurt."

"You know, Iwa-chan, if you feel like carrying me so badly, I give you my permission now."

Iwaizumi whipped around, glaring at the young lord. "Stop it. We're almost there."

They came upon a small pool of water from where the stream was conceived, a miniature lake that was likely fed by an underground spring. Iwaizumi sat on its bank, gesturing for Oikawa to join him. The stars were reflected in the water, making it look like the heavens had descended into the earth, spreading before them. Oikawa leaned forward, dipping in a slender finger, disrupting the water's surface. The stars scattered and danced beneath his touch. He looked back at Iwaizumi, his face a mask of amazement. Iwaizumi smirked, "Just wait."

"For what?"

Oikawa sat back, slightly too close for comfort, but a chill had descended with the complete falling of the sun. Iwaizumi could feel it in his bones now that they had stopped moving. He didn't draw back, choosing to share in their mutual heat. Their fingers were all but touching since personal space had never been in Oikawa's vocabulary.

Suddenly, a flash of light swam through the sky, through the mirrored sky-lake, quelling any need for explanation.   
Several more meteors passed, brilliant blazes that crumbled and burned into the ether. It was incredible, but Iwaizumi found himself watching Oikawa.   
His head was tipped to the heavens, mouth slack jawed, overtaken.   
When it was done, he turned to Iwaizumi, a fantastic and rare smile spread from ear to ear.

"How did you know this was going to happen?"

Iwaizumi looked away. His gaze was a little too intense. "You told me, idiot. But you've been so busy, I was sure you had forgot. I didn't want you to miss it."

Oikawa nodded. He folded his hands together, sitting like a child, staring up at the remaining night apparitions, the familiar constellations that Iwaizumi now knew, as well.

"You were right. I need to take just a bit more time for myself. If you hadn't forced me out, I would have missed this."

Oikawa's expression was one of innocent gratitude, pure and whole. "Y-yeah, whatever", Iwaizumi muttered. But he was undeterred. Oikawa threw his arms around his neck, hugging him like when they were kids. Iwaizumi shoved him off, which only caused Oikawa to laugh harder. When he settled, he smiled, seeming a bit aged but content.   
They paused, looking at one another in the darkness, and Iwaizumi found himself smiling, too. All the stress that had been building up on his shoulders had dissolved with the falling of the stars. It felt good to see Oikawa happy.   
A thought flickered through his mind and he took a deep breath, looking upwards.

"Y'know. I was actually so scared for the longest time that you were gonna forget me while you were gone."

Oikawa leaned his head against his shoulder. The shorter man stiffened, but quickly relaxed. After another internal debate, Iwaizumi shifted his weight, leaning back against Oikawa so that they supported one another.

"Silly Iwa-chan. I would never forget about you."


	3. Taking Responsibility

Iwaizumi's mother called him for tea, after gathering permission to pull him away from his duties. He was happy to be able to spend some time with her after being so fervently busy, but he was silently cursing at Oikawa.

_If that idiot finds himself dead in some kind of ditch without my supervision, I swear to god-_

To his surprise, he found his father there as well, also pulled from his work of guarding the elder Oikawa. Iwaizumi studied the man, his broad but kind face, the white hairs that were becoming more plentiful by the day. He didn't like the thought of his parents aging. He bowed politely, taking a seat across from them at the low table.

"Haijime, your father is retiring from his position as captain."

Iwaizumi looked sharply at him, his mouth forming too many questions to reasonably ask. The older man just chuckled, "I've gotten too old to do a proper job. My joints are aching away. Nothing will change for you, though. The second in command, Mizoguchi, will be taking my place until the younger Oikawa claims the full title of lordship. I talked it over with the Lord, and we both agreed it best that you take control of the warriors when the complete transition of power happens. All you need to do is continue to ensure his safety until then."

Iwaizumi nodded, slowly. He had expected this for some time, it didn't mark too much of an increase of literal responsibility on him, it only meant his father would be more scarce.

"Also, your mother and I are moving out of the palace grounds to the second village over. The Lord has gifted us with some land."

"Wait, what? Why won't you just retire in the castle?"

Iwaizumi looked back and forth between his parents, confused. He didn't want them going so far from him. His mother reached out a tender hand, "Haijime, look at you. You're almost all grown up. You have your own quarters, your own responsibilities. You've gotten so strong."

His father nodded in a gruff agreement, "My being here would only hold you back. I will always be able to give you advice, but I hope that you can trust your own judgement. You have a good head on your shoulders. The young lord could not be in better hands."

His mother looked wistfully out the window, as if imagining all the times that he and Oikawa had run wild just outside its frame. She sniffed, slightly, "And I am sure he knows that."

Iwaizumi nodded again, bowing his head so they couldn't see the slightest tremble of his lip. "I will not disappoint you."

Their transition from Aoba Castle was quick, seamless. Iwaizumi had hinted that he wanted to help his mother move their possessions to the new home, but his father waved him off, "I'm not that old, yet!" It was a defining moment, being apart from them. Iwaizumi felt unmoored.   
He felt like more people were looking at him, watching his every move. He was no longer just the younger Iwaizumi, or the Rock of Aoba Castle.   
The reality of responsibility had been thrust upon him, even if he was yet to assume it. He did his best to hold his head high, but new insecurities were now blooming in him each day. God, he was supposed to be a man, but he missed his _mother_.

"Iwaizumi?"

"Hm?"

He had been walking with Oikawa past one of the rice fields for a routine land inspection, lost in thought.

"We're alone right now."

"We are."

"So, you can talk about how you're freaking out."

"I-I'm not freaking out.", Iwaizumi spluttered, trying to keep his tone low. Insufferable Oikawa. So sensitive, both interiorly and externally. The taller man narrowed his eyes, pausing to brush away a stray brown curl that had wound its way down his forehead, out of his topknot. "Sure. You aren't anxious about the recent realization you've had that you're growing up, and you're going to be in charge of an entire army that protects a large swath of land and all the people within it."

Iwaizumi paled, but then acquired another odd realization. _Oh. This is how Oikawa feels every single day. But.. worse, probably._   
He cursed at himself, biting down on his tongue, then sighed _._ If there was anyone he could talk to about this, it was him _._ Iwaizumi nodded slowly, "I am.. anxious, yes."

"Me, too", Oikawa muttered, his voice low and smooth. He exhaled, as if it had required an immense amount of labor to admit that. They had never had an honest discussion about how they genuinely felt about their roles in this world. They were both seventeen, eighteen within the changing of two seasons. It still felt too young to have so much. Oikawa looked around, making sure they weren't in sight of anyone. He grabbed Iwaizumi's shoulder, turning him roughly to face him. Iwaizumi's eyes widened, but he allowed himself to be moved.

"Together. When the time comes, we will do right by this province together. You can trust that I will be there for you."

His eyes were fiery, steady. Their blaze warmed Iwaizumi, melting some of his fears away. Determination hardened like a fist in his stomach, "And I, you."

Oikawa nodded, turning away, breezing down the path. All his ferocity was gone in the changing of the wind. "Well, obviously, Iwa-chan. Come on!"

Iwaizumi groaned, following after the young Lord, watching the way his kimono nearly dragged on the ground.

Later in the day, in his new effort to institute some balance in his time between work and enjoyment, Oikawa proposed they go riding. The two young men paced their horses through the countryside, racing against the setting sun, against each other, laughing into the wind of undeniable and rare freedom. Both knew to treasure the moments they could, especially in light of recent events. There was change on the horizon, many paces away, but more undeniable than ever.   
Maybe it was frivolous, but Oikawa had been proposing several outings like this, lately.   
They spent the next afternoon laying against the same hill that had entertained them when they were small, the tall grass moving in serene waves, keeping them out of sight.   
Oikawa read from a book of poems called the Man'yoshu.   
Iwaizumi thought poetry was stupid, but he liked the sound of Oikawa's voice when he read aloud, the lilt and twirl of his words. It was pretty, good for public speaking, probably.

"Ok, how about this one?"

"Shoot."

"The traveler sojourning   
on the fields of Aki   
stretches as in sleep,   
yet he cannot sleep,   
thinking of the past"

Iwaizumi snorted, "Still dumb. Sojourning is a lame word."

"Iwa-chan, you brute!", Oikawa cried in mock indignation. Iwaizumi just smiled, reaching over to poke at him, prodding a finger into his side, "Read another."

The next day they had a swim in their secret lake, coupled with some stares when they both returned to the castle with wet hair.   
Iwaizumi knew they were going overboard, possibly being a little careless, but he was enjoying his time with Oikawa immensely-even if he felt a bit of a pang in his chest when he remembered his father would have never done anything like this on the job. Nonetheless, It felt good to be able to sit back and appreciate the country they served.   
All of Oikawa's tasks were still being completed with the flair of an undying perfectionist, and as long as Iwaizumi was by Oikawa's side, he was performing his duty.

It wasn't hurting anything, and the grin on his friend's face was endlessly priceless. Iwaizumi wasn't sure when that had happened, or when it had started.

All he knew, right here, right now, that stupid, small grin was the most important thing to him. 

Iwaizumi would do anything to maintain it.

Oikawa was spending the day alongside his father in the innermost chambers of Aoba Castle, discussing something sensitive, likely the tensions in shogunal succession. A new leader had not been named, and noble houses across the country were backing different candidates. A conflict was bound to break out, but so far, nothing was touching their land, and that's what was important. Aoba Castle had always been prosperous, especially under Oikawa rule. It wasn't likely they would be troubled in the disagreement.

Iwaizumi was sent to patrol the village. He walked amongst the peasantry, providing polite nods, pausing to help an elderly women carry some heavy trunks.   
She patted his head, "Nice young man."   
Iwaizumi puffed up his chest, proud, and wished her a good day.

Being a leader was really about engaging in acts of service to those you were in charge of. His father had told him that, and Iwaizumi enjoyed the minuscule ways he could be of use in town. He scanned the dirt road, rounding a corner, hoping there were more casual tasks to be done. However, as he passed a collection of wives doing washing, his ears burned.

"-And the young Lord Oikawa?"

"A handsome boy, isn't he?"

"Well, yes, but I worry. He seems to be performing his duties well, but he's always dashing around, doing odd things. I saw him laying around on a hillside for hours a few days ago. You'd think, if he's got all that free time, he could be doing more for the province. Seems a bit daft, to me."

"You make a good point."

Iwaizumi ducked against a wall, his fist clenched. They had no idea what they were talking about. Oikawa already went above and beyond his position to ensure the happiness of his people. If he took some time to take care of himself, what of it?

Still, he realized with a sinking finality, there was some truth to their words. Not that they were right, per say, but perception was everything. How people perceived their Lord, as an entity with strength and integrity, was a crucial part of what made a province function.

Maybe they had been a bit careless, in that regard.

He thought about Oikawa's smile, the way the sun hit his hair. Iwaizumi sighed.

The following week, The Lord and Lady of Aoba Castle were requested in the capital, Edo, for a peaceful meeting of all the daimyo to try to ease over the current fumblings for power before it escalated. The land needed a Shogun, and hopefully, a moderated discussion could produce one. With travel included, the trip would take about a month.   
Oikawa was to be a figurehead of Aoba Castle in his parent's absence, but genuine management would be carried out by pre existing advisors. It was an opportunity for him to practice a greater leadership role than he had previously inhabited without an immense threat of failure.   
Oikawa was looking forward to the experience. He and Iwaizumi stood at the gates, bowing deeply as the daimyo passed.   
The elder Oikawa placed a hand on his son's shoulder. It was a careful, somewhat emotionless gesture, but one that Iwaizumi knew was meaningful.

"Do well."

"I will, father."

As soon as they had departed, Oikawa was whisked away into activity, Iwaizumi caught in the undertow. There were deeds to sign, taxes to review, preparations to be made for the coming harvest. Iwaizumi watched, flushed with pride, as Oikawa tactfully navigated the day's schedule with the help of Irihata and other councilman.   
If only those villagers could see him, now.

As the week drew to a close, Oikawa slumpt against Iwaizumi in the corner of the library they were beginning to consider as their own.   
He smiled, but exhaustion was clearly caving into his complexion. "Let's do something nice this weekend, Iwa-chan. Only for a couple hours."

Iwaizumi swallowed, hard. "Ah, maybe, this weekend we could just stay around here, some. There's still- there's much to do", he stumbled around his words, awkwardly. 

  
Oikawa stopped leaning on him, turning the full force of his gaze on Iwaizumi. Something in his eyes had shifted, "What do you mean? I've accomplished more than enough this week for the province to be able to adequately handle the harvest and the merchants that will be entering our borders for the crop. I've learned so much, too. If I keep pushing myself, my brain might break", he rolled his eyes on the last part, but Iwaizumi could hear this slightest dip in his voice. 

  
This week had been difficult, but Oikawa had surpassed the expectations of everyone within the court, just as Iwaizumi had known he would. It had not been easy, though, and the words of the people outside the castle gates had been nagging on him. To Iwaizumi, and what he knew of leadership, their words were the most important.   
He had loved their small adventures, Oikawa's smile, but their joy had been so bright, they had only be able to see each other.

Iwaizumi looked away, "I just think. Well, I don't think. I think.. that we should think-"

"What, Iwaizumi?"

 _Ah, ouch_. The question had come out in the same tone Oikawa used when he was issuing commands. Iwaizumi swallowed, again, truth swelling in his throat. He turned back to the young lord.

"We should be better about considering how the village perceives you. I know you work hard. The entire court of Aoba Castle knows that you work hard, and work well. The villagers, however, cannot often see all that you do. They get more glimpses of the time you spend enjoying yourself, than of the time you spend dedicated to them. I.. I listen."

Oikawa turned away, unreadable. "I see." His face was drawn sharply by the flickering shadow, "You are right, of course. I should... I should do better in my actions."

He rolled up the scroll, returning it. Oikawa's hand hovered against Iwaizumi's shoulder, a mere brush of skin on fabric, slender and quick. It sent something fluttering in Iwaizumi, but at the same time, he felt cold.

"Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight, my lord."

They didn't speak much in the next week that followed. Iwaizumi wanted to curse at him, _Stupid, I said be more formal outside the castle gate, not within._   
Oikawa was so sensitive, so impossible. Iwaizumi wanted to kick his pretty, royal ass.

Autumn had arrived swiftly, draining all the light from the sun into the land, the trees, a clear gold that ran rich over the hills. When he wasn't with Oikawa, which was rarely, Iwaizumi would walk the grounds. Pressed leaves scattered beneath his feet, red, yellow. His breath showed misty in the night air. The world outside was beautiful, and he wanted so badly to experience it with Oikawa.   
He missed him, even though he wasn't absent. Only busy, distant.   
It was easing up, though, the pettiness. He had caught Oikawa staring at him during a meeting. Iwaizumi had arched an eyebrow, almost imperceptibly. Oikawa had copied the gesture, then shared the smallest smile with him. Iwaizumi nearly sighed with relief.

Their secret world still existed.

Their playful exchanges persisted, until the moon reached her first quarter, and everything fell apart.

It was long past midnight, and Iwaizumi had been in bed, drifting between dreams. He woke to a furious pounding on his door. Iwaizumi stumbled forward, only in cotton underclothes. A pale faced serving girl greeted him, her breath frantic, nose running, all out of place. Iwaizumi was instantly alert, attentive, "What happened?"

"It- is. It is very bad, sir. The young lord- the Lord requests you, immediately."

"Where is he?"

"His ch-chambers-"

Without thinking of his coat or shoes, Iwaizumi grabbed his katana from its place by the door, sprinting down the hall. It seemed that whole of Aoba Castle was awake, murmuring. 

  
He heard Oikawa before he saw him. A terrible noise was coming from his wing of the castle, frail and grating, sobs like a dying animal. The sound made Iwaizumi physically sick. 

Mattsukawa and Hanamaki stood guard outside the door, both red faced, doing their best to keep a semblance of composure. Iwaizumi had never seen them so serious.   
The hallway by Oikawa's room was overpopulated, but deathly quiet. Court members held each other, crying. Advisors looked weary, shocked. Iwaizumi was about to burst in, but a hand pulled him back. He turned, ready to chew out whoever had gotten in his way, but Irihata's solemn expression greeted him, halting Iwaizumi. The man looked like he had aged greatly over the course of one night.

"He will not let anyone else in. He has only asked for you."

Iwaizumi frowned, trying to pull back his arm, but the old man had a surprisingly strong grip. "Then let me-"

Irihata shook his head and pressed a piece of paper into Iwaizumi's other hand, a letter.

"Read. Compose yourself, then go to him."

Iwaizumi stared at it, trying to make sense of the words before him. _The Lord and Lady of Aoba Castle, found by the road to Edo, throats cut, bandits, likely_ \- the rest of the information wasn't important right now. Iwaizumi took his moment, that knife of grief, the severance of what he knew to be true, the hurt one feels whenever death inches towards the living.

Everything would be different now.

He inhaled, exhaled, and Irihata released him. Iwaizumi slipped into the room, and there he was. Oikawa was curled into a small ball in his bed, his thin frame tightly wound, face pressed into the mattress. His sobs carried a desolation that swept aside any attempt at words.

Iwaizumi sat down on the bed beside him, offering touches and calming sounds, ministrations that felt so foreign to his scarred hands, but right for the moment. He rubbed small circles in Oikawa's back, like he could take the ache from him if he touched the right place.

Eventually, Oikawa's choked anguish transitioned to sleep. Iwaizumi blew out the candle, rising from the bed, but a hand wound its way around his wrist. Oikawa spoke for the first time, half conscious words murmured against the darkness.

"Please stay."

Iwaizumi let the weight of his grasp pull him in. He slid into the bed next to Oikawa, holding him tight against his chest, so that there was no space left between them.

"I wasn't going to leave you."

He seemed so fragile, breakable, but Oikawa held him back, just as tight, if not tighter. They slept like that, bodies intertwined under grief's heavy blanket.


	4. The Young Lord

Morning light filled the room. Iwaizumi stretched out a hand, but the space beside him was empty, cold. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. Oikawa was awake, dressing himself. He tied his hair up with steady precision, before noticing that he was being watched. He gave Iwaizumi a small nod, "I'll see you in the main hall once you're dressed."

He took a breath, then swiftly departed. Iwaizumi was put off by Oikawa's sudden composure, but he soon followed, returning to his own quarters to change. When he entered the main hall, all of the councilmen at the table turned to look at him. Oikawa sat at the head, neatly arranging some papers before him. He took his usual place in the corner, but Oikawa held up a hand, loosely gesturing to chair beside him. 

"Iwaizumi, sit." 

"My lord?" 

He turned, brown eyes emotionless. No, not entirely. There was a silent plea there. 

"You head the warriors now, do you not? We're having a meeting. Sit." 

Iwaizumi wordlessly joined him, sitting between Oikawa and Mizoguchi, who offered him the slightest clap on the back in support. The other councilman, however, looking pained. They were all so much older, long beards, fine wrinkles. Iwaizumi felt like he should _not_ be here. 

"My-my lord", Irihata began, carefully. "Don't you think you should take a period of mourning? We can manage-" 

Oikawa silenced him with a cool stare. It wasn't unkind, but there was something dangerous concealed in that expression. "I mourned last night. Today, there is work to be done." 

Irihata looked like he wanted to debate him, but he lowered his head. "As you wish, my lord." 

"Right, then. When my parent's bodies are transported, we will hold a public funeral, which will serve as our formal announcement that I have assumed the daimyo titleship from my father. What has been done about the succession meeting in Edo?" 

A man at the end of the table fumbled between some papers, "Cancelled, in light of the tragedy." 

Oikawa nodded, "So there will be conflict?" 

"It is likely, my lord." At this, there was rumbling amongst the table, dismayed muttering. Oikawa cleared his throat, regathering them. Iwaizumi thought he could recognize Oikawa by touch alone, by the endless familiarity between him, but this man before him was once again new. It was an unexplored dimension of his being. Mature, commanding attention with ease.

"How will we proceed?" 

It took a second, but Iwaizumi realized the question was directed at him. Right. A transition of power, together. Iwaizumi took a breath, steadying himself. 

"We will not be targeted by any warring clans, because we have made no personal bid out for the seat. Other lords may make offers of alliance, which we can consider in due time, but we should seek to stay away from the conflict as much as we can. I believe our military would be better suited to be dispatched in greater number along the trade routes, so as to protect the farmers traveling with grain from the harvest. Northern Honshu is an economic powerhouse, and it must remain that way."

The words sounded so strange coming from his mouth. Collected. Mizoguchi made a noise of affirmation, "I agree with the commander." 

Iwaizumi exhaled with relief. His pulse was raging. How was Oikawa maintaining such a composed image? This was nerve wracking. 

"Irihata, can you fetch the map with the trade routes? We're going to determine how many of the footmen will proceed where. When that is sorted, we will retire for lunch, and then meet again in the afternoon to address the remaining items on the agenda." 

Irihata studied Oikawa, seemingly impressed and surprised by the way business was being conducted. He offered a discreet smile, "Of course, my lord." 

The afternoon came and went, smooth, efficient. Everyone rose from the table, bowing deeply to Oikawa, who folded his hands politely, dismissing them with a dip of his head. Iwaizumi tailed him as he returned to his quarters. The sun swept beneath the hills, the day having passed remarkably fast. Oikawa paused outside of his chambers, turning to Iwaizumi. 

"Will you have dinner with me?" 

He nodded, awkwardly turning to the ever present Mattsukawa. "Have a servant bring two meals instead of one." 

Giving orders did not come natural to him, but Mattsukawa nodded, "Yessir." 

Iwaizumi went a bit red, then followed Oikawa inside. They sat in silence on either end of the room until food was brought. Oikawa was avoiding looking at him, but Iwaizumi pressed forward with an attempt at conversation. 

"You did really, really well today." 

Oikawa sniffed slightly, seemingly transfixed with the broth in front of him. "Thanks, Iwa-chan." 

Iwaizumi pushed around his rice. The harder, necessary question. "How do you feel?" 

"I'm fine." 

_Bullshit._ Iwaizumi studied him, clinically, looking for a tell. _Ah, there it was._

"Oikawa, your hands are shaking." 

The taller man placed his hands in his lap where Iwaizumi could not see, his food untouched. The shadows of evening filled the room, making it feel smaller. A surety rose in Iwaizumi, and he reached across the table, pulling at sleeved arms until he seized those trembling hands, stilling them in a tight grip. He fixed Oikawa with a kind scowl.

"Do not lie to me. Do what you must with others, but not me. Got it?" 

Oikawa finally looked up, tears brimming in his eyes. Iwaizumi crossed to the other side of the table, sitting beside his friend. Oikawa stretched out over him, like a child needing comfort. _Well,_ Iwaizumi thought, _that is what he was, at the truth of everything, no matter how well they had both pretended in the meeting._ He curled into his lap, weeping. 

"That was so hard, today was so hard, Iwa-chan. I hated it so much." 

"I know, I know." 

The food was forgotten, and no more words were exchanged between them. There wasn't any need. It felt natural, just to hold on to each other like this. There was no twist of embarrassment at being so close. Their proximity was necessary for survival. Nobody else could possibly understand. Eventually, Oikawa turned to him, his face red and streaky.

"Stay with me again, tonight?" 

Iwaizumi absentmindedly brushed some hair off his forehead. "Yeah, okay." 

His job was to protect Oikawa, to preserve him. He would do whatever he was asked, if it could only ease the other man's burden. 

It became a ritual, and in time, it got better. Under Oikawa's hand, the province thrived. After a period of mourning was held for the Lord and Lady, he was begrudgingly welcomed as leader, though the doubts about his youthfulness faded with each day. There were no reports of any incidents as the harvest progressed. Farmers and merchants felt safe passing through Northern Honshu. The same could not be said for the other provinces, where conflict was slowly breaking out among rival daimyos. Aoba Castle, however, remained unscathed. Oikawa and Iwaizumi spent each night in the other's company, adapting quickly to their new way of being. Grief was still present, but it was not central to their relationship.

Together, they were managing. 

"You're dismissed for the rest of the day. I've got some work of my own to do, and I can't have you breathing down my neck. But- stick around. I'll see you later tonight, okay?", Oikawa said as they left the main hall. Iwaizumi turned, eyeing him suspiciously. They had barely been apart since Oikawa had claimed his full title. He didn't appear to be angry or upset, but he was definitely hiding something.

"My lord?" 

Oikawa just smiled, "Everything's fine, trust me." Iwaizumi allowed for his displeasure to be read all over his face. The Lord of Aoba Castle scanned the hallway to make sure they weren't being observed, then leaned over. 

"Don't make me order you, Iwa-chan!", he whispered in a dreadful, sing song-y tone.

"Tch." 

Iwaizumi turned away, a smile threatening him. It was nice that Oikawa was slowly coming back to his usual annoying self. Still... something was up. 

The young samurai went to the practice grounds, sparred a bit with some trainees, then retreated to his own quarters. He had barely spent anytime there, as of late. Iwaizumi lay on his bed, staring up at ceiling, waiting to be summoned. It wasn't quite as comfortable as the one in the Lord's room. Hmph. He turned over on his side. What was Oikawa doing? 

His answer came in an envelope, about a half hour later. It was pushed under his door, but the handwriting was unmistakably Oikawa's. _Meet me on the hill._

Stupid. Dramatic. 

He trekked up under the orange glow of the sunset to find Oikawa waiting, a mat spread across the grass, heaped with food. Roasted sea bream, thinly sliced vegetables, mochi, rice. All on neat ceramic plates. Apricots, ginko nuts, umeboshi, and crumbled egg simmered together in a broth, creating the most heavenly smell. A bottle of sake lay unopened in the grass. Oikawa sat, his feet folded under him, looking pleased with himself. 

"What is this?", Iwaizumi snapped, staring down the sea bream. It was a delicacy he had never, ever had the opportunity to try. His mouth watered, but he couldn't let Oikawa win. That smug little grin. 

"Well, we never got to celebrate your birthday, and-" 

"My birthday was so, so many months ago." 

Oikawa frowned, his bluff called. "I just wanted to do something nice for you, _okay._ You've been there for me and- I just- yeah. I'm grateful. _"_

"Then just say that."

"Stop being difficult, Iwa-chan!", Oikawa fumed. Iwaizumi chuckled, joining him in the grass. 

He poured the sakeinto two small glasses, passing one to Oikawa. He raised his own in a toast. Autumn had fully arrived, like an old friend. It was honeysweet, the warm colors that spread out and around from their grasp. All around them, the world was sighing, settling. Oikawa mirrored his gesture, nodding at Iwaizumi to say something, but he was not a person of eloquent language, the way his counterpart was. He could not speak on friendship, on longevity, on the passage of seasons. He spoke simply, from his soul. 

"To you." 

Oikawa's eyes widened. He studied Iwaizumi for a moment, as if discovering something new. 

"To you." 

They clinked their glasses together and drank, both quickly turning twin shades of red from the alcohol. Iwaizumi looked at him. Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi. They burst out laughing. 

Shortly after, during a meeting within the Ninomaru, a message was presented. Irihata bowed his head, sighing.

"Lord Goda from the eastern province has requested an audience with you this Wednesday, my lord. He wishes to pay his respects to you."

Iwaizumi wrinkled his nose, displeased. Lord Goda was among the men currently fighting for the Shogun position. He reeked of trouble, and had a poor reputation for his silvery tongue. He was not the kind of man that Iwaizumi wished to enter Aoba Castle, though it would be an offense to reject a meeting that had been proposed under a guise of civility. Oikawa's eyebrows knit together and he frowned, ever so slightly.

"Well, we should prepare to offer our best hospitality. Have the servants clear out the guest quarters, and see if there's anything we can gift him. How long does he wish to visit for?"

"Just for one evening."

Oikawa twirled the brush between his fingers, pensive, before returning it to the ink plot before him. "Very strange, to travel so far and only stay for a day."

"It is, my lord."

It was not discussed among the table, but all of the men present were sharing the same thought. _No, this cannot be good at all._

The young lord smiled bitterly, "Well, let's not jump to conclusions.. it could be a friendly affair."

Goda arrived to much fanfare, a large collection of guards and servants with him. The entourage filled most of the courtyard, pressing the residents of Aoba Castle into tight corners. Iwaizumi scowled. Traveling with such an assortment of personnel was clearly meant to convey an image of power.   
He dipped his head, muttering to his friend beside him, "The hell is this? He's not the shogun yet."

Oikawa bobbed his head in agreement. Goda dismounted his horse. He was a sturdy, broad man, his hair marked with traces of gray. He may have been quite handsome in youth, but time had sagged into his skin. His eyes were sunken into his skull, but they shone with bright intelligence, quickly taking in his surroundings with trained precision.   
Goda raised a hand in greeting to Oikawa.   
Iwaizumi looked at the young lord, the false cheer that was painted over his expression. Oikawa returned his gaze, whispering softly, "Well, Iwa-chan, here we go."

He grimaced for a half second, then returned the greeting. "Lord Goda! We are so honored that you have come to pay a visit to Aoba Castle!

Goda bowed deeply, his voice a cutting baritone, "I thank you for your hospitality, Lord Oikawa."

They took dinner in the main hall.   
Iwaizumi kept a careful eye from the door frame. There was a tension in his shoulders that would not ease. It seemed to be fine, so far. The two lords spoke jovially to one another, exchanging stories of their province's current progress, of the literature and art that was popular in noble circles. It seemed like a complicated dance, one that Oikawa was leading. Words were carefully placed, formality was crucial. Once the meal was concluded, however, there was a shift in the atmosphere.

"Might we retire to your sitting room? I wish to discuss some business with you over tea."

Oikawa's smile did not slip, "Of course, Lord Goda."

They entered the smaller chamber, a serving girl procuring a pot of tea, placing it before the lords. Once she was gone, the older man dismissed his attendants and guard. Iwaizumi stood at the back wall, waiting to see if Oikawa would send him away as well, but he made no motion to do so. The door slid shut, leaving the three men under the light of the oil lamp.

Goda briefly took in Iwaizumi, their eyes meeting. Iwaizumi instinctually turned away, casting aside the weight of the man's gaze.   
He instantly regretted doing so. He was stronger, bigger. He was the Rock of Aoba Castle, the commander of their samurai. There was no reason for him to feel intimidated by this aging lord. Still, Goda was watching him, his eyes as deep as pits. He touched the tea cup to his thin lips.

"Lord Oikawa, is it necessary to have a commoner present for our meeting?"

Iwaizumi wasn't offended, not entirely, but this was a dangerous territory to be pulled into. He scanned Oikawa's face, the slightest twitch of muscles. He sent a silent plea to him, to the gods. _Watch your mouth, Shittykawa._

"Oh, Iwaizumi is my personal guard. He's sworn an oath not to leave my side. You know how these oaths are.. they can be so stubborn about them, so literal. I assure you, whatever you wish to say, it can be said in front of him."

Iwaizumi had to fight every heavenly power not to roll his eyes. _Buuuullshit._  
It wasn't the worst thing Oikawa could have said, though. He could've launched into another one of his rants, the kind Iwaizumi had been often subjected to, about how no man's value outweighed another's. It was an ideology Iwaizumi agreed with, but he wasn't sure Goda would take kindly to it. He hated this political nonsense, all these idiotic niceties, the weaving of words. Goda frowned, but laughed goodnaturedly.

"Ah, of course. Still, it is unfortunate you would not dismiss your guard in my presence. I was hoping there could be trust between us, my young lord. Your father and I were always good friends."

"I am not my father", Oikawa said, lifting his own cup to drink. Iwazumi winced.   
"Though it is my hope that we can forge our own relationship."

Goda dipped his head in agreement. "In regards to that relationship, I'm sure you are aware that Eastern Honshu is currently engaged in some conflict with the Hojo clan in the Izu province."

"I have heard of this, yes."

"You must see the necessity for a shogun to be named soon. This is only one of many conflicts that are interrupting the life of this region. I wish to gather together our nation, once again." 

Oikawa looked briefly back at Iwaizumi, then returned his attention to Goda. A calculated pause filled the space between them.

"Lord Goda, I do not plan to involve Northern Honshu in this skirmish. I have no political aspirations beyond serving my own people."

Goda tipped his head back, roaring with laughter, "Youth! You fascinate me, Lord Oikawa. So forward, so pointed. Come, we are only enjoying our tea. I have not even proposed any kind of alliance."

The older man poured them both another cup. Iwaizumi was grinding his teeth so loudly, he was almost sure that the other two men could hear it. He didn't like how Lord Goda was looking at Oikawa. It was like watching a wolf that had stumbled on a rabbit.   
He wanted to slam a hand on the table, bid Goda a goodnight, and drag Oikawa away from those hungry eyes.

"Well, it is good you have not proposed an alliance, because it would bring me great pain to reject you, sir.", Oikawa chuckled.

Iwaizumi grinned. A rabbit, maybe, but a nimble one.

Suddenly, Oikawa froze. There was a slight shudder in his shoulders, and he looked painfully confused, eyes wide, mouth stuck half open. Iwaizumi instantly stiffened, his hand on the grip of his sword. He shifted so as to view their conversation better and saw that beneath the table, Goda's hand had found Oikawa's knee. It was running a thin line of touch, not dissimilar to the demonstrations of comfort that Iwaizumi sometimes provided, but this felt entirely different.

"Why invite that hurt, my lord? You have a good tongue, and a pretty face, almost like a girl's. I think you would do well in my court, from the whisperings I have heard."

Iwaizumi was lost to the situation before him, but he knew did not like it. Oikawa looked pained. Iwaizumi's vision clouded in rage, and he stepped forward, ready to cut off Goda's hand if he persisted.

Oikawa moved faster, though. 

  
The young lord took the tea cup that had been clenched tightly in his fist and dumped it across Goda's hand. The older man sprang back, cursing. He clutched the steaming skin tight, blowing cool air on his fingertips.

Oikawa rose, offering him a napkin. "My apologies."

Goda ripped it from his grasp, his eyes aflame. "Insolent brat! I extend an opportunity for wealth beyond your own means, and this is how you react? Stupid, stupid child."

Goda rose a hand to strike at him, but Iwaizumi intercepted, catching the man's arm and pushing it aside. He stood just in front of Oikawa, his sword half drawn. Goda instantly backed down, collecting himself, smoldering with anger. 

"You have made an enemy of the future Shogun and of the eastern province. We will respond in kind."

Oikawa rested a hand on Iwaizumi, a signal to withdraw. He nodded cooly, "Goodnight, Lord Goda. Thank you for visiting us."

Goda's eyes darted between the pair, and he sneered, briskly leaving the room. The second he was gone, Oikawa sank to the floor, putting his head in his knees. Iwaizumi kneeled in front of him.

"Are you hurt?"

"No, I've just... I've really done it now. That was- this is really bad."

Iwaizumi ruffled his hair, placing both his broad hands on Oikawa's shoulders, "Are you kidding, Shittykawa? That was the coolest thing I have ever seen you do. I was about to cut off his whole hand, but you beat me to it."

Oikawa sniffled, but looked up. "Did you see the way he hopped around after?"

"I did. Very funny."

"Yeah.." Oikawa's lower lip trembled slightly. Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around the slender man, trying to squeeze some assurance into him. "It's going to be fine. If any trouble comes of this, we'll handle it together."

Oikawa nodded, pressing his face into Iwaizumi's clothes. They sat there, listening to the activity of the palace outside, of Goda and his men making their untimely departure. Iwaizumi released him, lightly prodding at his forehead. Goda had been correct in one regard. Even when he was all scrunched with worry, Oikawa had a nice face.   
Maybe this was just the physical truth of the goodness Iwaizumi knew he carried within him. A question bugged him, though.

"What did he mean by all that? Whisperings?"

Oikawa stared at him long enough for Iwaizumi to feel uneasy. It was like he was searching for something, and he heaved a little sigh when it was not found.

"I've got no idea, Iwa-chan."


	5. Because You Are You

It happened suddenly, the news spreading throughout Japan on foot, on horseback, between the frightened whispers of villagers and the troubled murmurings of nobility. The Goda clan had overtaken Izu Province and expanded control into Sagami and Suruga. Lord Goda planned to unite the country beneath his hand by any means necessary.

Tension was crippling Northern Honshu. Footmen had been dispatched to scout along the province's borders, but none had managed to return to Aoba Castle. Goda's threat had yet to be acted on, but it was only a matter of time.

Oikawa rarely slept. At night, Iwaizumi would wake to see him pacing about the room, lost in thought. He blamed himself harshly for what had occurred between him and the older lord, a perspective Iwaizumi despised.  
"Iwa-chan, if I had just-"   
"Stop it. Stop thinking like that. You did the right thing."   
Oikawa looked at him, soft under the moonlight. He returned to the bed, but he did not say anything. Iwaizumi pretended to fall back asleep, but he listened, hoping to hear the other man's breathing slow in indication that he was finally resting. It never came.

"My lord, I think it's time we consider arranging alliances of our own. Our warriors may be among some of the most well trained, but against the armies of four provinces, numbers are not in our favor.", Irihata said over their meeting, his head bowed. Oikawa looked to Iwaizumi for confirmation.  
He grumbled an affirmative.  
"Well, we should reach out to my father's old allies and see if they are willing to take an audience with us.", Oikawa began, pulling out parchment to pen formal invitations.

Irihata looked pained, his eyes shifting between Iwaizumi and the young lord. Iwaizumi frowned at the odd hesitation, the shifting glance. The other councilmen busied themselves with their papers, with their own hands, as if anything but the current predicament had become wildly fascinating.

"My-my lord.. it may be.. well, as your advisor.. what you do within your own time is of your own business.. I do not think this would greatly alter that-"

Oikawa took in the room with an ill concealed tinge of irritation. "What, Irihata?"

"I think it would be within your best interest to pursue an alliance with a neighboring province through marriage."

Iwaizumi's mouth opened and then closed. He turned to look at Oikawa, who seemed as if all the color had drained from his face.

"The Ushijima clan in western Honshu, I believe you were in school with their eldest son, has a daughter who is your age, eligible for courtship."

Oikawa's hands were clenched tightly around the edge of the table, but he did not speak. Irihata plowed forward, his head bowed.

"Their military prowess rivals our own. It would be beneficial for both provinces. I think, I do think it would be wise. A lord..needs a wife."

Iwaizumi watched the two men engage in a silent conversation of some kind, Oikawa's hands clutching the table with a bizarre ferocity. Inside, Iwaizumi felt strange. A wife?   
He felt a headache coming on. After an unbearable pause, Oikawa looked away.

"Have a letter sent, then."

They sat on the floor of the lord's room, Oikawa staring up at the low ceiling. He meticulously bit at the end of the nail on his ring finger, a habit Iwaizumi hadn't seen from him since they were kids. It was such a boyish gesture, and his heart moved peculiarly in response to it. He pressed a hand into his skin, trying to knead away the irregularity.

"So.. Ushijima. That's not the guy you tried to punch in school, is it?"   
Oikawa glared at him as Iwaizumi crossed to the bed, unceremoniously allowing his body to fall against the cushion.

"No. I would've liked to, though. Idiot bastard, always ahead of me in class."   
"Hm."

Oikawa stood up, stomping around in his new evening tradition of pacing. Iwaizumi watched him circle the room until his eyes hurt. That headache of his was only feeling worse.

"A wife, huh?"   
"Stop it."   
"What, are you nervous she won't like you?"

Oikawa growled in exasperation, sinking into the bed beside Iwaizumi. He thrust his hands in the air, making small motions as he spoke.   
"Obviously not, Iwa-chan. I'm disgustingly charming."   
"Tch. Maybe you should be nervous."

Oikawa let his hands fall. They rested beside Iwaizumi, close enough so that he could feel the heat that came from his fingers. The warmth ran up his arms, to his neck, reddening the tips of his ears. He hoped he wasn't coming down with fever. Oikawa shifted, rolling to his stomach so that he was looking at him in the half light of the evening. His face was smooth, blank, close. Iwaizumi had looked at this face so many times, but it continuously appeared different to him. Tonight, it was a mournfulness around the eyes- not like the anguish of grief, something that was more distant.

But maybe it was a trick of the light, because an impish, embarrassed grin quickly took over.

"Iwa-chan, have you ever been with a woman?"

The redness became an inferno, raging through his cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

Iwaizumi rolled to his side, evasive. This was not a topic of conversation that had been remotely unpacked in their friendship. His stomach stirred awkwardly. "I kissed a girl from the village when I was 15."

He could feel Oikawa's eyes on him, bearing into the back of his head.

"Oh, yeah? How was that?"

"Uh. It wasn't really anything."

"I see.", Oikawa said, brightly. He felt the weight on the bed shift as Oikawa transitioned onto his back. Their sides were touching now, breathing in near unison.

Tonight, though, it was Iwaizumi's turn to lay awake.

The Ushijima Clan accepted an invitation on their daughter's behalf to meet with the young lord. In preparation, Aoba Castle was polished, scrubbed, filled with flowers. Camellias, komakusa, ominaeshi, and fujibakama formed ornate bouquets of white, red, yellow, and pink. New silks were hung, new paintings were brought to display.   
Much to Iwaizumi's dismay, Oikawa seemed to be enjoying the decoration process, adeptly surveying each adjustment.   
He sat glumly in the hall as Oikawa examined two wood block prints that seemed _exactly the same._ "I just can't pick which one to get, Iwa-chan. Which one do you like?"

"I don't care. I don't see a difference. There's two people in that one, two people in the other one."

Oikawa's jaw unhinged in mock horror, "Are you KIDDING ME? These convey completely different emotions. You know what? I want both."

"Whatever."

Oikawa gazed fondly at the artworks, examining them in the light, "If I wasn't a lord, I think I would want to make a living creating something like this. It must require such patience and feeling."

Iwaizumi slumped over, folding his hands under his chin. "Sure."

"Brute."

The samurai ignored him, rubbing his temples. Life had been an unrelenting headache, lately. He had visited the town's healer to receive something for relief and was given a tea to drink nightly. As he spent each night in Oikawa's company, he had neglected the blend because he didn't want to worry him when he was already contending with so much. It was like a persistent, piercing fog rested just behind his eyes. Iwaizumi chose to ignore it.

They woke early on the day of the young woman's intended visit. Iwaizumi shifted uncomfortably as he waited for Oikawa to finish dressing. He despised his formal uniform, the tachi he had to trade his katana out for, the dumb cloth shoes. Oikawa emerged in a wide sleeved hoko sugata. The material shimmered in the sunlight, trailing just above the floor. It hung neatly from his toned frame.

"Iwa-chan, come here."

Iwaizumi approached him, and Oikawa stepped close, gently maneuvering his hair from his forehead. Suddenly, Iwaizumi felt a surge of emotion tear through him. It was a complete, overwhelming dislike for all of this, for the way Oikawa smiled at him, for himself. He batted the lord's hand aside.

"What's gotten into you?"   
The soft smile vanished. Oikawa took a step back.

"I'm not another thing you can clean up to use to make a good impression on this girl", Iwaizumi snapped.

He felt another twinge of pain at the base of his skull when a crumpled expression overtook Oikawa's face. The young lord opened his mouth to speak, but they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Irihata called from the hallway, "My lord, our esteemed guest has arrived."

Oikawa closed his mouth and took a breath, brushing past Iwaizumi, who had no choice but to follow.

She was tall for a girl with glossy, dark hair and a permanently practical expression. Her lips were pink, her eyes were kind, and Iwaizumi did not like her. He drifted in his corner of the main hall, like an angry house spirit. Oikawa bowed deeply to her, "Thank you so much for coming to visit our province, Lady Ushijima."

She returned the bow, smiling coyly, "Excuse my lack of formality, but please, call me Yua. It is how I am always known."

Oikawa nodded, offering her his arm with a conspiratorial grin, "Call me Toruu, then. But just between us."

Iwaizumi bristled.   
Even he didn't call Oikawa Toruu. It was likely that he could, if he desired, but the principle stood firm. His head felt like it was going to split open. He nearly hoped it would, just to ease this mysterious suffering. Oikawa took Yua on a tour of the palace and the village. She paused and admired each of the artworks that had been hung, remarking on things like their "depth" and "message", which Iwaizumi found insufferable. Oikawa, however, seemed delighted. They chattered on, content, exiting the palace grounds.

Iwaizumi drifted just close enough to hear their conversation, words exchanged in and out. He noticed, triumphantly, that Yua walked on his left side. _Foolish. Oikawa prefers it when people walk on his right, because he's oddly convinced he can hear better with that ear. You don't know that, do you, Yua?_

Iwaizumi shook his head, put off by his own thoughts.   
What was this mood he was in?   
It didn't feel good, whatever the feeling in his stomach was. They traversed the entire village, communing among villagers, accepting small candied offering from children. Wives poked their heads out of windows, excited to catch glimpses of the nobles. Yua was as patient, as humble as Oikawa was in interacting with the people. As the sun ascended lower in the sky, Iwaizumi followed the young, inarguably good looking couple up the hill, _their hill,_ where Oikawa and Yua sat together. He waited on the other side, closer to the ground.

"So you are well acquainted with my brother?"

"Yes, I am."

"What do you think of him-"   
Iwaizumi smirked. _Here we go, Shittykawa. Do your thing._  
"-because as much as I adore him, I would hate to be in school with him. I bet he was completely insufferable."

"Ah, wellll, Yua..."

Their laughter ran through the countryside like bells. "Oh, I've been meaning to give this to you. It matches your kimono." Iwaizumi heard the rustling of fabric.

"This is a beautiful flower, thank you. We used to have so many of these in my garden at home."

"These blossoms on a single sprig each conceal a hundred words of mine. Do me the favor of not dismissing either."

"That's from the Man'yoshu, isn't it! I absolutely love that book."

Iwaizumi felt impossibly, physically ill. That was the poetry book he had made fun of Oikawa for reading out, in this very same spot.

So this woman knew how to appreciate his art, his books. She could be casual with him, and she seemed to make him laugh.

She could very well become his wife, but would he be her first thought of every day?   
Before she sat up in bed, before her feet even touched the floor, would she think of his happiness?   
When she returned to that same bed at night, would her mind race with a litany of what she could've done to support him?   
Would she sleep, burdened by those thoughts?  
Did she know how he liked to be held?

It was an eternal condition, caring for him, because he refused to care for himself.

He would bleed out, wring himself dry, if it meant that another person could go happy.

There was no one more selfless, more admirable, more worthy of love that walked the earth.

Did she know that the way Iwaizumi did?

Maybe it was that infernal headache, but something in Iwaizumi felt like it was breaking apart, reforming, breaking apart.

He wanted this day to end, so they could sit together, so they could just be- for at least awhile longer. Iwaizumi cast another glance to the pair of them on the hill. He had waited five years for Oikawa to return, and he was already slipping away again.

The evening banquet happened, and Iwaizumi was numb to all of it. He stopped watching the way Yua looked at him, how they joked between each other, in all of Oikawa's idiotic charm.

It stung.

Oikawa wished a good evening to Yua, bowing politely. She returned the gesture and was escorted to the guest quarters with a promise that he would see her off come morning.   
The yellow flower was tucked behind her ear.   
Iwaizumi walked Oikawa back to his quarters in partial silence, Oikawa humming something melodic and terrible as Iwaizumi stewed in unique unhappiness. When they reached the door flanked by the evening guard, he instinctively turned to go, but Oikawa seemed to stop him with a look.

"Aren't you coming?"

He could be childish in that moment and storm off back to his own quarters, where he could possibly untangle this perverse emotional knot in peace, but one look at those brown eyes and he knew he would follow. Iwaizumi shrugged, ducking under the doorframe.   
They prepared for bed in silence, neither quite looking at the other, but both were extremely interested in the other's movements. The shedding of clothes, the acquisition of bed things. It was like a game, seeing who would speak first. Iwaizumi would not yield.   
The oil lamps went out and they laid side by side in the dark, inches from each other, not touching.   
Oikawa sighed, turning on his side to face him.

"Why are you so angry? You've been glaring at me all day today."

Iwaizumi let silence run its course, wondering what kind of answer he could manifest. His head hurt. He didn't like this. He felt nauseous. He was jealous of Yua. It was a list of feelings that weren't entirely explainable. The young samurai settled on deflecting, curling his fists into the blanket

"Just don't expect me to do this after you've got a wife. M'not sleeping between you two."

Oikawa chuckled softly, "Iwaizumi, I'm not marrying her."

Iwaizumi turned sharply to face him. "What? Why?"

They were nearly nose to nose, bare shapes against the light of the moon. Oikawa looked at him, unwavering, hesitant.

"Because I don't love her."

Iwaizumi furrowed his brow, "Obviously, stupid, you just met her. It takes time."

There was a long pause between them, one that occupied centuries. Iwaizumi watched him take a nervous breath.

"I love somebody else."

"Who?"

Oikawa just looked at him. And looked at him.   
He was looking at him, and everything suddenly made a bit more sense to Iwaizumi.   
It was logically simple, impossible, circularly beautiful. Oikawa's words spiraled through him, coiling tight in his chest.   
It was almost like fear, the way the emotion filled him, how it soared under a name, running its way through his blood with swift precision. Iwaizumi looked at him with the horror of one who is finally known.   
"No."

Oikawa's bottom lip trembled slightly, but he rolled his eyes.   
"Yes."

"No. That's not funny. That's not funny at all."

"I'm not trying to be funny, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi escaped the intensity of his gaze, turning to his back, rubbing his hands over his face. "People will think less of you."

Oikawa curled his hands against the pillow, fingers making soft divots in the cloth.   
"People can think less of me, then. They suspect."

Iwaizumi sat up, his knees brushing up against Oikawa's side, feeling very small. Oikawa turned so he was facing him, his hands wrapped tightly on his own body for security. Iwaizumi could not stop looking at him, the complex and fascinating figure of the man on the bed with him. Oikawa blinked slowly, and sat up to his eye level.   
"Why do you think I keep you so close to me?"

Iwaizumi shook his head, dumbly.

"Because I want you, you dense fool. I've always wished for that."

There is a sound that ice makes on the river, when it cracks in early spring, when it breaks in discovery and life flows forth once again. Iwaizumi could hear the noise in his own body, but he did not believe it.

"Why would you ever want me?"

A head tilt, like the question was so incomprehensible, it had been asked in another language. And then, earnest. Oikawa leaned forward.

"Because you are you."

The only way Iwaizumi could prove the truth of this moment was to shift forward, to see for himself. He kissed Oikawa with gentle authority, his hand on his face, with the guise of one who knows what they are doing- even though it had been many years since he had kissed anyone, much less the person who mattered most to him. Oikawa pressed back, his mouth like honey, his lips smooth, his tongue wet. They fell into a more favorable position, one that allowed them to be even closer.   
It seemed so natural and right.   
Iwaizumi was embarrassed that he had not realized the extent of his feelings the way Oikawa had, that he had allowed something so important and obvious to pass under his nose for so long. He kissed him with an unfamiliar grace to make up for it. They pushed and pulled against each other, grasping, reaching, until they could not breath. Oikawa's head was on Iwaizumi's chest, but he didn't care if he could hear the speed at which his heart was rapidly beating.   
He traced cool circles on his back, murmuring out questions.   
"How long?"   
"Like, so long."   
"When were you going to tell me?"

Oikawa folded his arms on Iwaizumi's body, resting his chin on his hands, exasperated.

"Iwa-chan, I've literally tried to tell you so many times. I read poetry to you on the grass!"

"You know I don't get that shit."

He wrapped his solid arms around Oikawa's waist, squeezing him tight until he laughed.   
"What do we do now?"

Oikawa shrugged. "Dunno. We do what we've always done, only a bit happier."

Iwaizumi used his free hand to tilt Oikawa's face towards his own. He kissed him once more.   
"Sounds good to me."


	6. Burning To The Heavens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to everyone that has been reading so far and letting me get geeky about feudal japan !! here are two chapters today , as a treat :,)   
> also, warning : explicity sexual content and some sword related violence ahead

Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa and Yua sat on the steps of Aoba Castle, Oikawa's head bent in apology, Yua a little drawn. He couldn't hear them, but at one point within their conversation, Yua turned to look at him. She smiled wearily and Iwaizumi nodded in return. At the end of their talk, the two young nobles shook hands warmly.   
It was kind, civilized, with room to explore a friendship. Even if it had been over reactive, immature jealousy, Iwaizumi felt badly for thinking poorly of her. He sent his own silent apology as she left Aoba Castle, disappearing into the sloping hills.   
Oikawa called a meeting directly after her departure, cooly staring down his advisors.

"I'm not getting married. I do not plan to marry. However, the Ushijima Clan, on the promise of Lady Yua, will be allying with us against Goda. It is still in all of our best interests. Together, we will see if we can recruit other provinces to join us."

Exclamations, questions, disagreements thundered over the table. Oikawa simply placed a hand down, waving it all aside.   
"That is all that's necessary to discuss now. Meeting adjourned."

It was not a quiet preparation, the soldiering of defense. Aoba Castle was more alive than it had been in recent memory, bustling with activity and the crashing of weaponry. Winter inched forward. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were a bit lost to all of, though.   
They only had eyes for each other.

It really wasn't that different from how things had been before.

What was happening between them was uncommon, but not unheard of. Iwaizumi thought of the tales of monks, of samurai long out on campaign. Maybe, in those cases, their desire had been discovered through isolation, but Oikawa had chosen to be with him, only him, and Iwaizumi had chosen him right back. The two young men were tired, sore, seeking comfort at any moment they could in the other. They stole away whenever they could, warm bodies in the library, on the hill, in the bedroom. New secret places were discovered daily. They kissed fast, hard, deep, frantic, slow, long.

"Making up for lost time", Oikawa joked.

Iwaizumi pushed back against him, his hands on his narrow waist. "Your fault."

"My fault! Iwa-chan! Absolutely, _not-"_

Iwaizumi felt a new heat inside of himself that couldn't be satisfied. His hands would wander around Oikawa's frame, but never quite discover where they wanted to be. He wanted more of him, he wanted his weight on top of him, but he had no idea how to ask. Iwaizumi had never felt desire like this before, so liberating, so right. It was an aching sort of joy, a blistering, all encompassing happiness to share so intimately with the person that meant the most to him.

He thought about a choice painting he a briefly seen once of two men laying together, one that had turned him an ungodly shade of red. At the time, he hadn't quite known what to make of it, but now when he recalled the image, he felt a fluttering in his stomach. He had no idea how to approach that feeling.

It was late at night, but neither were asleep. Oikawa lay against him, running a delicate finger up and down his chest. Iwaizumi tried not to shiver under the graceful touch. Kissing, again. Oikawa moved from his chest to his neck, making Iwaizumi's breath hard and his blood rush. He stopped, leaning over him, with a bashful, but serious intensity.

"Hey."

"Hm."

"If you want to, we could.. do more than kissing?"

Iwaizumi sent a thank you to every god that existed for Oikawa's ability to actually speak his feelings. He nodded vigorously, then blushed, embarrassed by his own enthusiasm.

"Aw, Iwa-chan, you're all red. It's ok to be nervous-"

Iwaizumi silenced him with a kiss, "Shhh. M'not."

Oikawa rolled his eyes, looking away slightly when Iwaizumi pulled back from him. "Yeah, well, I am."

Iwaizumi took his face in his hands, so that they were eye to eye. "Ok, honestly, so am I. But we'll figure it out."

The taller man smiled gratefully, leaning forward to press his lips to Iwaizumi's forehead. Iwaizumi allowed Oikawa to push him back into the bed. He trailed his hand, those fine, unworked fingers, down Iwaizumi's chest, beneath the drawstring of fabric, rising and falling in excruciatingly slow designs. A small gasp escaped him, and he brought Oikawa closer, their mouths crashing together.

"Is this ok?"

"Y-yes, this is, yeah."

Oikawa laughed softly, leaning in to kiss the crook of Iwaizumi's collar bone, who was doing his very best to pace out his breathing. It wasn't just that he was being touched, that this was new and it felt good, the best part was that it was Oikawa touching him. Iwaizumi dragged his fingers through the other man's hair, taking in his scent, his form, this most perfect creature that had him moving under his command. Before it was too much, he fumbled for Oikawa's hips, trying to switch their positions, which ended in some awkward splaying of limbs and bumping of heads. They laughed it off, Oikawa squeezing Iwaizumi as tight as he could manage, his face flushed and grinning.

_So fucking beautiful._

Iwaizumi spread his arms comfortably across his knees, sliding down the loose fabric, bringing his mouth down with the same steady rhythm Oikawa had used with his hands. He continued to breathe slowly, taking more of him into his mouth, hoping he was doing this right. Oikawa whined softly with a confirmation of pleasure, gripping Iwaizumi's shoulders, the strong juncture of his back. Iwaizumi kept his eyes on him, noting when Oikawa would toss his head back, which kind of motion seemed to make him tremble the most. His chest heaved, panting, his hair loose.

 _So, so fucking beautiful_.

"I-"

Oikawa lightly pushed Iwaizumi's head back as he quickly came onto his own chest, his other hand tightly gripping the bed. Iwaizumi sat back on his heels, surveying him with the slightest smile as Oikawa caught his breath.

"Iwa-chan"-gasp- "don't look"-inhale- "so smug!"

Iwaizumi just chuckled, taking his hand, kissing those fingers. Oikawa gazed at him, eyes still wide. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

"I've never learned anything, I was just watching you. Now.. we have to get you clean."

Oikawa laid helplessly on the bed as Iwaizumi hunted for something to wipe him off.

"Iwa-chan, hurrrry it's getting cold."

He returned to the bed with one of the small towels from the washing station, gently scouring Oikawa's stomach and the tip of his cock, which caused the other man to shudder once more. Iwaizumi shook his head, tossing the cloth aside. "So sensitive."

Oikawa ignored the tease, sitting up, straightening his spine so that he was taller. He casually encircled Iwaizumi's waist, his wrists loosely resting on his hips, tracing the band of his pants.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Can I...?"

Iwaizumi nodded, laying back. He did less to control himself this time, sighing, overcome in satisfaction. When he had finished, they laid side by side, holding hands in a way that was almost innocent. Oikawa kissed his knuckles, and for once, Iwaizumi did not feel so self conscious of how scarred and rough they were in comparison to his. He swallowed, looking at him, "We... should. Try more things soon."

He could feel Oikawa's smile through the darkness. "We should."

It was comfortable. It was safe.   
This, and also everything else.   
Iwaizumi turned to look at him, taking another pause. Expressing himself had never come easy, but he needed Oikawa to know.

"I'm so happy to be with you."

Oikawa leaned closer, resting his head against Iwaizumi's, so that they were curled into each other.

"I'm happy, too."

Iwaizumi stood outside the main stone walls, pacing aimlessly. He whistled into the brisk night air, crossing and uncrossing his arms.

It had been so long since he had done true guard duty, and as much as he wanted to set a rigid example to his subordinates, he also wanted to be back in bed with Oikawa. He kicked at a rock on the ground, huffing slightly. Within the hour, he should be able to return neatly beneath the covers, and he prayed that the young lord was not up waiting for him. He needed rest.

They all needed rest.

Security had tightened all over the palace, a web of ever shifting guards. There hadn't been any word of change from the border of the province, but caution was necessary. In the morning, warriors from the Ushijima Clan would be arriving to assist them, and negotiations were in process with the Miya Clan in Harima province. The extra man power would provide both relief and peace of mind. Iwaizumi glumly hoped that Goda would simply get scared off, or killed by another daimyo on the offensive, so that they could stop dealing with all this nonsense.

As meaningful as it was to be a warrior, there was no honor in war.

It was quiet, late in the season, the harvest long completed. The village at the base of the hill was dark, silent, filled with sleeping souls. Iwaizumi gazed up at the starless sky and wondered when the first snow would come. He was looking forward to the cold with the new source of warmth in his life offered.   
It felt a bit silly, silly enough that color would rise in his face, but he had several vivid Oikawa winter fantasies. Tracing each other's footprints in the snow, drinking tea in the courtyard beneath the frost, sharing blankets, _other stuff_. He shook his head, bemused, red with the memory of the night before.   
Oikawa would both laugh at him and be delighted if he knew Iwaizumi was thinking about such romantic little things.

"Sir?"

Iwaizumi instantly straightened, turning to face the patrol of younger warriors. He hadn't even heard them approaching. Iwaizumi mentally kicked himself, _focus, idiot_. _You're still on duty._

"Uhh." He scanned the face of their patrol head, grasping at a name for the man in front of him. It was possible that he had been neglecting his role as the leader of the warriors of Aoba Castle, slipping up some. _No_ , Iwaizumi thought, _I haven't. My primary job is to look after Oikawa, and I'm always with him... so it's fine._ Before the pause could stretch into an uncomfortable length, the name surfaced. Sleepy face. Promising fighter. Iwaizumi had been impressed with the part of his training he had overseen.

"Kunimi. Right. Anything to report from along the west?"

Kunimi sighed, it was clear by the way he shifted about that he knew Iwaizumi had forgotten him. "No, sir. Nothing unusual."

"Er, good. Stay by the gate."

Kunimi nodded, trodding over with the other younger samurai to the gate's entrance. Iwaizumi frowned. _That was awkward._

Before he could think too much on it, something caught his eye. A thick column of smoke was rising up from the southern most corner of the village, greater in size than any cooking fire. Iwaizumi held up a hand, "Kunimi."

He beckoned him over, pointing out the disturbance. "Take your men and see what's going on there. Someone may have not doused all their coals. The river is close enough in that area that if it's needed, it's easily accessible."

Kunimi nodded, summoning the rest of his group. Iwaizumi watched as they quickly descended into the maze of homes. He could now see the softest flickering of orange and signaled for a couple other samurai on horseback to assist. Iwaizumi gripped the hilt of his sword, exhausted. Fire was always so troublesome.

Suddenly, another plume of smoke tore through the sky, directly at the other end of the village. Iwaizumi felt a tightening in the pit of his stomach. He called for another group of warriors to go investigate. One fire, inconvenient. Two, strange.

 _It can't be possible, can it_ -

Then, a rumbling.

It was as if the universe wished to provide a response to his question. Iwaizumi could hear the sound of breaking glass, the commotion of fear. The town beneath him erupted into flame in multiple places, all at once. The fire flickered, hungry, tearing through wooden homes. He stood, momentarily frozen, before launching into orders.

"Pass it along the wall. Hold the defense. Wake any warriors we have, send those with horses to the village! Now!"

The footmen closest to him stood at attention, but his knees were shaking, "Sir? Are we under attack? Should we sound the alarm? I don't see any enemy."

"I don't know. Just pass on the message!"

Iwaizumi tried to assess the scene below, the rise of red, the noise. As the footmen took off to direct action for Aoba Castle's warriors, a woman with a baby stumbled up the hill, her face soot stained. She bent over, coughing. Iwaizumi kneeled down beside her, taking the wailing child from her arms. He could see a handful of other peasants slowly making their way up the hill. She looked up at him, anguished.

"There are men! There are men burning the houses, sir, please-"

"Are you certain?"

"Men on horses, with swords and torches-"

Iwaizumi helped her to standing, returning the child to her arms, his fear confirmed. He turned, calling to the watch towers, cupping his hands to yell over the noise.

"RING THE BELL. OPEN THE GATE. WE'RE UNDER ATTACK."

It felt entirely unreal. Another higher ranked warrior, Yahaba, appeared beside him. "The gate? If we're under attack, shouldn't we-"

The crowd of peasants was swelling in size, as they clutched one another, holding tight to items of value. A little boy wandered among them, calling out for his father. Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa would never allow suffering for these people. The castle walls held the greatest opportunity for safety. He fixed Yahaba with a steely gaze.

"Open the gate."

"YOU HEARD THE CAPTAIN, OPEN THE GATE."

The heat was rising up the hillside as the fire leapt from structure to structure. Iwaizumi dipped inside the castle, where warriors were emerging from the quarters, half dressed, half armed. He began to direct different squadrons, some to the village, some to the wall, some to assist peasants. He spoke what he felt was right, there was no time for second thoughts. Metal clanged, screams echoed, both far off and up close.

It was barely organized chaos as everyone raced to their position and villagers poured into the keep. Iwaizumi did his best to usher people inside, but a new concern was rising inside of him. Amidst all the terror, he had yet to see the cause. Where were Goda's men?

A loose, startled horse burst its way into the palace's ground. Iwaizumi instinctually wrestled its reigns before it could cause any damage and saw a man draped across the back. As soon as the animal was secured, he lifted the man from the steed. It was Kindaichi, from Kunimi's patrol. A bloody gash ran the length of his chest, but he was still hanging onto consciousness. Kindaichi registered Iwaizumi and gripped the front of his armor, his eyes flashing white. "There's- there's so many. There's too many-"

"Where? Where are they?"

Before he could manage a response, Kindaichi's eyes rolled back. Iwaizumi held him up, "I need a medic! I-"

A villager woman took Kindaichi from him and began to press cloth into his wound. Iwaizumi didn't have time to make sure if he was alright. There was so much, so many people calling for him. All around, he smelled burning, blood. The smoke stank, and he heard a great thudding, a hammering, and realized it was his own heart beating viciously in his chest. Iwaizumi took a breath, steadying himself, ready to view the situation with new eyes. It was not a time for panic.

But then, the arrows began to fall from the sky.

They flew indiscriminately, targeting anyone around the gate of the castle, taking down guards and villagers alike. He felt instantly sickened at their disregard for civilians. Iwaizumi ducked behind the stone border, drawing his sword. It seemed as if they were coming from the trees.

"Sir, what do we-"

Iwaizumi quickly moved to the top of the palace steps, yelling out over the crowd, "ARCHERS, RETURN FIRE ALONG THE WALL, AIM FOR THE TREES. PROVIDE COVER FOR THE PEOPLE."

Aoba Castle's archers began to organize, sending volleys of arrows into the forest. Iwaizumi could see bodies dropping from the branches. _How did they manage to get so close to us, slipping in right under our noses?_ Other samurai procured shields, beckoning the ever growing tide of villagers to safety. It seemed as if for a moment, things were working in their favor now that the initial shock had dissipated. The arrows ceased to fly from the forest, but Iwaizumi could feel a trembling in the ground. He kneeled, placing a hand on the earth, and a wave of soldiers rushed up the hill. They surged forward from all directions, charging at the castle. The samurai rose to meet their innumerable challengers without hesitation.

Iwaizumi sprang into action, his sword slicing through the air. "Form a perimeter! Keep the gate open!"

Iwaizumi slashed and hacked, paying as little thought as he could manage to those he felled, concentrating on Oikawa's face. He was somewhere inside, well guarded, surely, and he would be waiting for him to return. Pain blossomed in his right arm, and Iwaizumi turned, striking out at the source, his sword cleaving through a man's chest. As skilled as he was, with every samurai he defeated, it seemed that two more would appear in senseless brutality. The soldiers of Aoba Castle were being pressed closer and closer towards the gate, until they were shoulder to shoulder. Iwaizumi found himself fighting alongside Yahaba, who had a nasty cut running across his face.

"Sir- sir, we aren't- we aren't equipped for this. We were never- it doesn't even matter if we close the gate. We're completely overwhelmed. Get the Lord, and go-"

Iwaizumi pulled Yahaba back, lunging past him to intercept another attacker, "I can't-"

"We will hold the wall. Go to the Lord. It's not- my place to order you, but I- that's- where you are needed."

Iwaizumi looked at him, at his kind and obvious lie. It was insanity, the way people were set against each other, the way they struck at each other as children wailed and the countryside burned. This was the truth, the livable experience of conquest. Conflict raged down around them, faceless men clad in steel, screaming with fury into the night. No amount of training could've prepared them to face the evil of this greed. Iwaizumi felt wretched and bitter. He sliced through another opponent, then turned and ran into the castle.

He thought of another lesson from his father.

Battles are not always meant to be won, but they must be survived.

He thought of gentle hands, of brown eyes, of goodness that must preserved. He shut out the sounds of unfathomable hell that bled through the walls.

"OIKAWA, WHERE ARE YOU?"


	7. The River

Inside the palace, servants and councilman were running frantic through the halls, trying to make sense of what was happening outside. Iwaizumi watched a particularly old advisor feebly charge through the entrance to assist, a rusted sword in his hand. Iwaizumi wanted to tell him to turn back, but there was no time. He blindly hoped the old man would be alright. Other servants were arming themselves, with vase shards, with kitchen utensils, the bravest forming their own lines of defense. He wound his way through the halls, pushing past anyone within his path until he got to Oikawa's room. Makki and Mattsun stood outside, both of their weapons drawn. 

"Everything's- 

"Fine, we're-" 

But Iwaizumi paid no attention to their report, bursting into the room. Oikawa sat at his desk in his night clothes. He leapt to his feet, flinging his arms around Iwaizumi in a grip that was almost unbearably tight. His hands were in his hair and his lips were on his mouth and Iwaizumi allowed himself to be held for a moment, until the gash on his arm ached, until he realized he had gotten blood on Oikawa's robe. The young samurai took a step back, still hot with battle. 

Oikawa looked down at the bloodied prints on his white robe, then back up at him, his eyes wide. 

"That's not mine, I don't think..", Iwaizumi grumbled. The cut in his arm stung more now that he was still, the adrenaline fading. He ripped a length off the bedsheets, holding it out to Oikawa, clutching his wound, "Tie this here for me?" 

Oikawa nodded, his hands shaking slightly, "Is it Goda?" 

Iwaizumi made a noise of confirmation, listening to the crackle of fire, the clamor of fighting. He pulled away from Oikawa, calling to the two guards stationed at the door. "Makki, Mattsun, go to wall. More warriors are needed there." 

They both turned, looking at him a bit pained, then looked at each other in a silent determination before sprinting to exit. Iwaizumi hoped he wasn't sending them off to- _no_ , he couldn't think like that. Oikawa stood nervously behind him as Iwaizumi redrew his sword, scanning the corridor. "Iwa-chan, what's going on outside?" 

Iwaizumi thought of the fire, the bodies, the genuine horror of the world outside the castle. He decided to hold his tongue. Vague. No need to harm him. "Fighting." 

"Obviously, but what- how could this have happened-" 

Iwaizumi tensed, struck by realization. He hadn't received any word from the border scouts, which he should've found automatically suspicious. Iwaizumi had been so wrapped up in his own life, he had neglected the minute details of his role. It was a silence, when unobserved, that had proved deadly. His heart caught in his throat and he was almost certain his legs would give out right in the doorway. If only he had been paying a bit more attention..

_This is all my fault._

A great crash echoed through the castle, and the scream of steel seemed to grow louder. He flinched, his whole body primed in anticipation. There was no way- 

"Iwaizumi!" 

Mizoguchi came running from the direction of the crash, relatively unharmed, his eyes flashing. He put a hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder, steadying himself. 

"They've breached the wall, surging in with the peasantry. There's fighting in the East Wing." 

His eyes flicked to Oikawa, "You need to get him out of here. We'll keep them off your trail. The back gate should be unobstructed. Go through the woods." 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa both stared at him, a bit dumbly. Somewhere close by, a woman screamed. A body dropped at the end of the hallway, one of Goda's men, a knife in the cavity of his chest. Oikawa inhaled sharply, grasping Iwaizumi's wrist in surprise, but Iwaizumi could barely feel it. A numbness was spreading through him. 

_My fault._

Mizoguchi looked him square in the eye, "Clench your teeth together so you don't bite your tongue." Iwaizumi did as he was told before he could question the order, just because it was a relief to have someone give him a command. That relief ended abruptly when Mizoguchi smacked his hard across the face. "Get yourself together!" 

The older man roughly forced him to stand straight, "If he dies, those who have sacrificed their lives tonight will have gone in vain. You need to go!" 

Iwaizumi nodded, the slap having knocked his senses back into his body. He grabbed Oikawa's hand and raced down the hallway, dragging him behind. As they passed the body, Oikawa dug his heels into the ground, stopping briefly to dislodge the knife. Iwaizumi continued to pull him forward as Oikawa held the weapon tightly in his own hand, his eyes round with fear. 

They turned into a hallway that split off. On one end, a fire was spreading. There was a small stampede of palace dwellers running from the blaze. Iwaizumi guided Oikawa ahead of them, running so fast his legs burned with strain. Suddenly, two of the enemy soldiers leapt out in front of him, grinning triumphantly as they spotted Oikawa. Without hesitating, Iwaizumi dispatched them with his sword, slicing through their throats in a collective sweep. He looked back, reoffering his hand to the man, only to be greeted by the briefest expression of horror. Oikawa looked at the men on the ground, then back at him, and Iwaizumi felt something like a monster. 

He moved to apologize, as if that would mean anything, but Oikawa's face changed and he grasped his hand tightly, nodding in understanding. 

He looked at him and Iwaizumi could almost see a light spread out from his body. The world opened up, and he knew he loved Oikawa so deeply, without limit, because who else could ever witness him within a worse moment, who else would ever choose to cling tightly to hands that were trained to destroy? 

Oikawa pressed his lips against Iwaizumi's knuckles, and they continued to run. 

All fear was gone from him now, because he was here, because when Oikawa had told him that he loved him purely because _he was himself_ , there was no longer any doubt in Iwaizumi's mind that that was true. 

As they neared the back gate, he pulled Oikawa into the now emptied servant's quarters, grabbing a man's clothes. He tossed them at the young lord. "Change, it's better if you're unrecognizable." 

Oikawa quickly stripped as they both caught their breath in silence. Iwaizumi began to chart a path in his minds eye. Along the river, up to the lake. Over the crest, past the twisted tree. These woods had raised him. No one else could navigate them the way he could, in all his years growing up in Aoba Castle. As long as they made it to the lake, he knew that there was no way they could be followed. Oikawa looked smaller, younger in the simple tunic. He still held the knife is his hand. Iwaizumi looked out of the door, motioning for Oikawa to be quiet. A group of Goda's men were tearing along the edge of the courtyard, flinging open windows and doors. 

They were looking for him. 

Their fingers relaced and the two young men crept silently around the back of the long building, through the gate. The minute they crossed the threshold, they separated and began to run again, until Iwaizumi realized the only footsteps he could hear were his own. He turned to see Oikawa staring out over the burning village at the bottom of the hill, the flames that had now spread up the trees to the front of the castle. It was completely out of control, devouring all in its path without care to either side. 

"Iwa-chan... Our home." 

He saw the tears sliding down Oikawa's bare face. Iwaizumi moved to take his hand once more, "Don't look, just don't look. We have to keep going." 

But Oikawa was lost to his words, moving in the direction of destruction, "No, we have to do something, we can't-" 

There was a commotion from the back gate. The group of Goda's men saw them standing, exposed, between the castle and the woods. They began to rush forward and before he could even process what he was doing, Iwaizumi roughly picked Oikawa up and dived under the cover of the forest. He was as light as he had been the first time Iwaizumi had carried him to bed, but this time, Oikawa struggled against him, "Iwaizumi, put me down- we have to go back- we have to help-" 

Iwaizumi gritted his teeth, his heart aching with Oikawa's protest, but he pressed forward. He could hear Goda's men following, trampling the under brush. As much as he could, he fixed Oikawa with a look, holding him tighter. 

"My job is to protect you. I will not have you running into disaster. So either I continue to carry you and slow both of us down, or you accept that your job, right now, is to live. Which is it going to be, Shittykawa?" 

There was a pause between them, as Iwaizumi's feet continued to carry them forward, as the world around them continued to collapse, until Oikawa spoke in a half-whisper. 

"Put me down." 

Iwaizumi did, pausing to listen if they were still being pursued. He could hear the samurai still approaching, the cracking of movement, and he cursed. They were running alongside the small creek, but at this pace, they could probably make it over the crest within a matter of minutes. Hope flickered in his chest. He returned to Oikawa to inform him of this, but the young lord smiled strangely. 

"I love you so much, Iwaizumi. Always. But I don't deserve your love if I don't do my job. I'm staying with my people. There will be no more bloodshed tonight." 

With that, he turned, heading back down the hill. Iwaizumi tripped as he pursued him in his misguided return, falling hard against his injured arm. Stars swam in his eyes and his head spun as he got back up. He wanted to scream at Oikawa, _you didn't do anything wrong! It's my fault this is happening!_ Even if the young lord surrendered, he would surely be executed. 

Oikawa was surprisingly fast, darting between trees, but Iwaizumi was faster. He lunged forward, tackling him into the ground, pressing his hands into the earth. Oikawa tried to push back against him. 

"Are you crazy? Nobody wants you to sacrifice yourself, we have to go-"

Then, the disruption of water, the snap of a branch. Iwaizumi was on his feet in seconds, standing over Oikawa, sword drawn. Goda's men encircled them. The man who appeared to be leading them grabbed a smaller footmen, "Send word to the general, we found him." 

He sneered, ugly, reaching to pull Oikawa off the ground. "Say that we found him fleeing, like a coward." 

Before Iwaizumi could act, Oikawa leapt at the samurai, plunging the hilt of his knife into the man's neck. The man screeched, clawing at him. Iwaizumi sprang into action, driving the rest of them back with his blade before the surprise wore off, his back pressed against Oikawa. He swung with terrifying precision, with a ferocity that made him worthy of his own title. Another soldier tried to parry his strike and he snapped his sword clean in half, driving his blade into him. He quickly decimated any that approached, using his free arm to keep Oikawa out of harm's way. When the final footmen of the group chose to drop his weapon and flee, Iwaizumi turned back to him, "Please. Can we please keep going now-" 

But Oikawa's hands were at his stomach. Iwaizumi knew, instantly, that something was wrong. Red bloomed through his fingertips and he staggered backwards, crumpling to his knees. 

"H-Hajime." 

Iwaizumi caught him before he could hit the ground. He peeled Oikawa's hands back, his entire shirt soaked through with blood, slashed through like a sacrifice. Fear loomed so large in him, it threatened to tear its own hole through his chest. Oikawa coughed, his eyes glassy, and a thin line of blood ran from lips. 

"There- there was a soldier. He- he went for your back, and I thought- I thought I could stop him, I- I don't know. Pretty stupid of me, huh?" 

Laughter spilled from him, his breath rattling, and he surrendered to another fit of coughing. Even know, he was beautiful. Iwaizumi picked him up, cradling him in his arms, "You're not stupid, we're just, we're just too young to have to know all of these things. Hold tight to me, we're going to get help."

Iwaizumi looked around wildly, his own arms becoming wet with blood, with the life that was escaping him. Oikawa curled against his chest as Iwaizumi began to move through the woods with little regard to his surroundings, his feet striking the earth. Each step forward felt like he was carving a path into the landscape, an inescapable march. 

Ahead of him, nestled between the trees and the river, was that old shrine. In all the times Iwaizumi had seen it before, it had appeared abandoned, but now a light flickered from within. 

"Hello? Is anyone there?" 

Oikawa tugged feebly on him, looking at the shrine, looking beyond into a wide and fearsome nothingness, "Iwa-chan... do not.. do not go there. Please."

Iwaizumi paid him no mind, running a hand over his forehead, entering the gate. The glow from within seemed brighter, like an artificial sun. He felt something cold around his ankles and he heard the rushing of water. 

"Please. We need help-" 

Iwaizumi swallowed down the half screams that scraped from his throat and headed closer to the source of the light. Oikawa placed a hand against him, "Haijme, stop- look at me-" 

The urgency in his voice froze him in his tracks, and Iwaizumi kneeled down. He realized that the ground was covered in water, clear, crisp, barely an inch in depth. He could hear it flowing, but he could not see the source. Oikawa placed a hand on his face, drawing him back. He trailed his fingers over his cheek, the harsh bone of his jaw. Iwaizumi looked at him in the brightness, the soft muscle of his arms that appeared and disappeared with the motion. He took his hands between his palms, securely. 

Oikawa gazed up at him. Simple, unadorned, glorious. Under the strange light, he looked like he was made of a thousands suns, spilling out. 

There was the smile, that reason for being. 

Even though Iwaizumi was terrified, he could not help but return it. Oikawa sighed, satisfied. He shuddered again, stretching against the pain. He opened his mouth to speak, but Iwaizumi cut him off. 

"Shhh, I think there's someone up there, just hang on, ok, Toruu-" 

"Iwa-chan?" 

"Yes." 

"Swear to me-" 

The water was at his knees now. There was a subtle shift, the murmur of splashing. It was desperately cold, and his breath crystalized before him. Oikawa grew very still. He looked up to see a woman standing over them. She stared down at the two men with eyes darker than any night, impassive, quizical. Her hair reached her waist. It was untied, flowing loose over her shoulders, even though there was no wind. She appeared to be young, but when she spoke her voice sounded impossibly old, the rasping of a distant grandmother. 

"Do you know where you are?" 

Iwaizumi tried to stand, to lift Oikawa, but something impossibly heavy kept him down, "Please help us, he's injured badly." 

She placed a hand on Oikawa's cheek, who stared mutely forward, unresponsive. "This child has already passed." 

"Impossible, he was just speaking to me, he was going to have me swear to something-" 

The woman shook her head. Iwaizumi noticed that the light shone through her, rippling through her body, refracting against the water that was now desperately pulling on him. He looked down at Oikawa's body in his hands and noticed it was now made of the same substance, like a mirage, like a dream. Before he could react in fear, the woman reached out, touching a finger to his forehead. 

"Let me open your eyes." 

He pitched backward, submerged into blackness. Iwaizumi could hear a thousand voices within his head, raging, pounding, pleading. The cold was unlike the deepest pit of winter. It was an ice that severed his very soul from his body. When he felt like he would be able to take no more, he surfaced, standing waist deep in a river. 

The water was unnaturally blue, lit from within, swirling with strange particles that almost looked like stars on a stagnant lake. It had no quality of feeling beyond the gentlest push forward. He could not tell if it was cold or hot. Though Iwaizumi was certain that it was a river, its form was rapidly and repeatedly changing before his eyes. It widened, deepened, pushed on its rocky banks, ate its way through unseen land. On either side, beyond the beach, was the same unfathomable darkness of the woman's eyes. She stood ahead of him in the water, observing. Her form was now solid. He looked down at his empty hands. 

"Who are you? Where is Oikawa?" 

"I am Izanami, creation and death. He is further up the river." 

Iwaizumi tried to move forward, but she raised her hand and the water held him back.

"Please, Izanami. Let me go to him." 

She floated closer to him with a hair trigger curiosity, inspecting him like he was some rare animal caged tightly. 

"You would follow him anywhere. You followed him into the realm of the dead, without even knowing. No living man has ever done that before." 

Shades flickered up from the water, every shifting shadows bending and twisting. They whispered viciously at him, but he could not make out their words. He didn't care. It didn't matter what world he was in, what mattered was that he was not with Oikawa. Iwazumi swallowed, nodding, unafraid.

"I will never leave him. He is the best thing about my life, the most beloved. Please, I am begging you, let me go to him. We barely had enough time together." 

"It is a gift to man that his life is but a flicker of the torch. Any longer, and he would burn himself dry. You should let the water take you. Maybe, many lifetimes from now, you will find him again."

Izanami dipped her fingers into the river, swirling them around, and Iwaizumi felt a tighter pull. Still, he held his ground. "I will not take that gamble. Let me follow him where he is going." 

The young samurai tightened his fists, anguished that he had no better words, no cunning pleas or tricks, only the direct honesty, the desire that flowed from him. She circled him, unreadable. 

"Fate is a fickle thing. When the universe chooses a path, it will conspire against those who defy it. There is no way to know what makes one thing happen over another, what destroys, what grows. There is only fate... and love." 

Iwaizumi looked beyond her, down the river, the never ending tide of beings manifesting in and out of existence. 

"I know of love." 

Izanami laughed, sounding at once like the tinkling of bells and the shattering of glass. "Do you, child? Do you know of its pain, all the forms it takes? Do you trust that?" 

"I do." 

He thought of Oikawa. He thought of his hands, of each little habit that formed him. There was nothing that could surpass him, no rain that could erode the image he held so tightly in his mind. Grief wrapped around him desperately. If the weight of the river did not drag him down, then the very feeling would. 

"Listen to me when I say that nothing will change." 

He shook his head, gazing mournfully at the infinite entity in front of him, at creation and death herself.

"You're wrong. If I could only see him, I would know the world all over again. Let me follow him, Izanami." 

She smiled, almost sadly. "Seal fate with your love, then. Go to him." 

The water rose above his neck and Iwaizumi fell back into it, the searing pain that was the passage of worlds. His body was merely a sum of parts, a soul burdened with regret, a heart burning with a love that not even something as monumental as death could destroy. He ripped his way through time and space, moving with the current.

Iwaizumi surfaced, his chest heaving, coughing the water from his lungs. 

He looked around and knew he had returned, though the world before him was almost unrecognizable. 

_-End of Part One-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoooo ! part one over ! all will be explained in part two ! school and work is a lil busy atm and I've got so many things I ~should~ be prioritizing, but I promise i'll update within the week. 
> 
> now, the story can really get started ! 
> 
> thank you so much!!


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